***stardust

Church today was...interesting...
..actually, it was bad, cos Dad called me at like, 8am, an' I'd not gone to bed 'til like, 4am...-_-; But I managed...got there, and saw B - who was as hyper and cheery as ever, grinning and waving to me like a psychopath, which cheered me up a bit.
But...
The sermon today was on Christian marriages...an' I knew right away it was gonna be rough for Dad. Which it was...
...as for me...I listened, but read through a few psalms at the same time, so I'd stay awake, and at least get something out of sitting there...(cos the marriage stuff doesn't exactly immediately apply to yours truly--!)...
Psalm 68 is nice.
...noticed Teraa dozing a few times... ~_^
But then, too, I noticed there was Communion today.
...which gave me something else to mull over...Do I take it, do I not?...hadn't before...and I came to the conclusion that there was no reason I shouldn't, so I would...just, stand up when Dad did, go get the bread and juice...
But then, as people started moving up front to partake...I faltered, got nervous, I don't want to go up there in fromt of everyone, I can just stay here with my siblings...and then it was our turn to go up, and as I was still torn, didn't know what to do, mind racing...and as I looked over to see when Dad stood up...my sister and my brother stood up, I stood up with them and Dad.
And I smiled...that was just...
...
*smiles*

It's kinda of odd, thinking about it...cos I never really thought of my sibilngs and I being close, but...I think we are. At any rate, we stick together, we stand up for each other when Dad's lecturing, or when one's in trouble, or someone comes in late we cover for them...when Teraa's had a bad day, teachers yelled all day etc. and she's all upset...I get pissed that they make her mad, I try and make her see that if it's not her fault, she's got no reason to be upset, it's okay, it'll pass...and just...everything, I want to be there for them, Matantis and I, oftentimes we just let each other be, but peacably, y'know? and then some nights, we've talked for hours, about things at home, about school, friends' troubles, everything...no, not everything, because each of us knows the other is pretty private when it comes to family...like, I don't even know how to describe it, it's just..we know we've got our own lives, and let each other live them..are always there, solid, supportive, but..not interfering, I think that's it. And it's an unspoken thing, but that's the way we grew up, that's what we're used to and prefer. Dad may not entirely understand it, but we *were* raised that way, to be so very independent, and we do quite well that way...we never went to our parents with school troubles, may've griped about a teacher a bit, but never really..really just, poured out everything to family at all. Just thought things through and figured them out on our own, or talked with friends..
..and we played together when we were little, Matantis and I would go outside and build forts, play secret agents, ride our bikes, hang out with our friends...didn't bug Mom, just went out and found ways to amuse ourselves. And now Teraa's learning from us, we all have our own interest, we talk and things, but don't fret over trying to keep up on all the details of each others' lives.
And that's the way we like it. ...it's sounding cold, but it's not, not at all...we care, but don't interfere...
Dad just sat and talked to me for about fifteen minutes, the sermon today did hurt him, like I knew it would, but...
See, thing is...he says what really still hurts, is that *we* hurt, that *we're* missing out on things since the divorce, that we've not got everything we should...
But the thing is...
...we don't see it that way. Not most days, anyway. Oh, I mean, there're days when it's bad, but...not really so much. A year or two ago, yeah, there were days when I just... but, we've moved on. At least, I'm assuming the other two are doing the same as I am, I think they are.. We've gotten on with our lives, accepted things, and just..we're fine. It doesn't impact say, school, or friends, or our lives, really...it affects our economics, true, and what we can and can't do sometimes, and I've got to cook supper most nights, but..I was doing that anyway, once Mom'd started working.
We're fine.
...I don't know why, cos kids who go through a divorce are supposed to have such troubles with it, are supposed to be so ravaged by it...
...but we're not, really. It's affected us, I'm sure, I think I'm a lot more protective of my sister than I was, but...
I don't know what sets us apart, but... I think it's just *because* we've always been so independent, maybe...
We're just tough kids, we'll make it. *smile*

*Ananda Daydream * 10:45 AM * *

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