***stardust

..like Daffy's said, a lot's gone on these past few days...and it's turned both our (social) worlds upside-down, really...cos a week ago, we thought - we *knew* - Calypso liked me, an' that was bad, cos Daf liked him...but I didn't *not* like him...and now?...he spent eight frickin' hours at her house yesterday!!! (err..or was it Sat.? whichever...) And I know, Daf and Laur, you guys just see me keep harpin' on it, an' Laur, yer right, just stayin' hung-up on it won't help me any, but...I'm sorry, some days, you just feel like savouring a bad mood?..."some sunny days you wish it was raining...some days are better than others.." ("Some Days Are Better Than Others", U2)...an' just...I don't even know...I can't explain it, Daf, I'm so very happy for you, really, I am...you've no idea how proud I was of you the night of the band concert!...but then...now...there's just this...*sigh*...I don't even know...but Dad sees it (oddly enough)..."The guy you thought liked you spent the day with your best friend."...an' that's really about it...an' just...gahhhh...I can't even explain it, I wish I could... ...maybe...and maybe Teraa was right(!), and there *is* some jealousy there...in both directions, really...cos Daffy's got a b/f (again)...not that I resent that at all, but..y'know?...and then, too, we've gotta share Daffy again. ..and it was nice having her to ourselves, after Sham having her so long..! *weak smile*
...why I've been ignoring all this on here, I don't know...just...didn't feel like going through it again, I guess...
...and just..*sigh*...it's been weird.
Good - saw LotR *again* (3x, now! ^_^), saw Star Wars *twice* within 24 hours... ^_^ ....prom night, 'stead of the prom, went out to afore-mentioned LotR and SW, Laur dressed up as Sam, I dressed as Obi-Wan, Daf as Leia..Christy pretended not to know us...-_-;...~_^...and we had a grand time, afterwards Laur and Daf stayed over, Daf and I were up 'til 6, 7am, poking around online, watchin' U2 vids, Esca, making an Angel-Adam pic...(err, more accurately, *winged* Adam...^_~)...
...and it was nice, but then today, all I heard was people talking about the prom...and some thought it was kinda blah, but most had great fun...and Brian said he'd've gone with me (whether he was joking or no, not entirely sure, but..I think he would've..), and that opened up a whole new train of thought...coulda been fun to've gone with him...
...and then, seeing SW the second time, went with Jessica D., "Blake", Dan, Cathy Becker, Chip, and kid-whose-name-I-continually-forget...and it was just...*nice*...cos it was a group of people I was reasonably comfortable with, and I actually got to *talk* to Blake and Dan..which was nice...sat next to Blake, and...gahhh...all those old daydreams etc., started coming back...he'll take my hand in his, and...all that shite all over again, just...gah...not even so sure why...it was nice, tho, it wasn't *quite* back to where we once were, but..it was a lot closer than I think we've been all year.
..got back to Jess's after the movie, talked for a few hours, about midnight we all decided to go home...I headed out with Blake and Dan, planning to walk..Jess's like, hey, let me run you home, it's cold out!...I was like no, it's not, I'll be fine, takes me two minutes...she asked Blake to take me home, he said sure...he and Dan got into the car, I kept walkin', I really didn't think it was cold at all...and I walked past the car..Blake opened his door and yelled "Get in the car!"...so I went back, and did. "Fine, if yer gonna *yell* at me--!" ~_^ ...so he gave me a ride home.....*shaking head*...I don't know...damnit, I was NOT gonna get sucked into this mindset again!...and I'm NOT GOING TO...it's so stupid and pointless and there's better things to concern myself with, besides seeking after a boyfriend...esp. since there's so little time left before we're all off to college...
...meanwhile, Dad's told me that I probably scare guys off, cos I'm so independent etc.
(I'm not...not really...I am, but I'm not...so insecure some days...)
Blah.
...they'll see...someday, when I'm a rock star---!
*forced grin*...I dunno...God, all I want to do is *make* something of my life, make it *count*, *mean* something...

*Ananda Daydream * 8:28 PM * *

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~