(*sigh*...*third* time tryin' to post this!...bloody glitchy technology...!)
This is just...the day for dilemnas, depression...and just general gloominess.
My flute teacher, Jenn, has to go home. This Saturday. And she'd planned to stay on this summer after graduating Roberts, continue giving lessons, renting a palce in Henrietta with some friends... I don't know the details, but she's Canadian, not technically a U.S. citizen...so, she's not supposed to be working here. No work=no money=no paying rent. =going home.
*Stupid* gov't policies!
...and she was gonna go on to a conservatory or summat in the fall and continue with music, now she's not even sure where she'll be...and she was gonna come to my spring band concert, and finally hear hat blasted concerto...she originally gave me the piece to try, Chaminade's "Concertino", just to see if I could do it...and I did (with her help!)...and it was so much more than I ever thought I could do, at the time...and now...I've got it as a concerto with my band at school, I'm solo, alleyesonme (*shudder* - scary!)(but who does that song, "All Eyes On Me"?..ah - Goo Goo Dolls)...but I couldn't have done it without her...and now she'll not be here to see it...
...I've learned so much from her...without her, I'd never have the passion I have with/for playing flute...never have known of/how to play with that emotion, passion, love, life, that makes any and ever song *mean* something...that makes it all worthwhile...and technically, musically, I've learnt so much...tone colour (spelled with a "u", she said she didn't care what her professors thought, she was *not* going to re-learn how to spell, just cos Americans were weird), harmonics, bending notes, singing one note while playing another (great fun - hard, but fun *g*)...
Shit. Just realised...I've still got her Trevor Wye book! -_-; ..not to mention her copy of Concertino...got her e-mail addy, tho, I'll ask for her home address, mail 'em back...
...but anyway...besides being an incredible teacher, she's been a friend...she's listened to me when I've had a rough day, given me adive on how to get revenge on the stupid low brass players in my band...joked around, she's yelled at me to spank that ending, to blast that high note, who cares if it's loud and ugly, *be* ugly, you're a flute and you're proud, *blast* it, *make* yourself heard!...
...stupid senior year...
*tear*
...I remember my first few lessons with her...how long ago?...nearly three years, I think...I was so very nervous, had *no* idea what to expect...in the auditorium in Cox Hall over at Roberts, high summer, it was warm and maybe a bit stuffy...wooden floors, golden, almost, in the late afternoon sun...beautiful acoustics...and I felt so stupid after I heard her play, was totally blown away...and I was going to Italy soon, I remember, we talked about it, she'd been there with I think a choral group, too, she told me about the incredible acoustics in the Basillica...and I came back, and we compared notes...
...and some days coming out of my lesson, I've felt so bad, so down, felt like I'd never be good, I still had so far to go...but then I'd work, and get it down...and most weeks, it's been such a great thing, cheered me up so, calmed me down when I'd had a crap day, or just needed to get out...and she's encouraged me so...which I need, cos quite often I'm capable of more than I think I am, it's definitely good when my teachers have more confidence in me than I do, cos then they push me, say, yeah, you can do this, c'mon...and I can...
...I'm going to miss her... -_-,
...thank you again, Jenn...

"And if God will send his angels, hey if God would send a sign, if God will send his angels, would everything be alright?"
-"If God Will Send His Angels", U2
...and may His angels be with her...God Bless, Jenn...