***stardust

...I'm wondering why it's been awhile since I've listened to U2 again...I dunno, it'd been a couple of weeks (which's a rather long time for me to be away from them), mostly cos I was hung-up in glam, cos of my english project, and then picked up on J-rock again, found some new and cool bands (like Dir en Grey, L'Arc en Ceil, etc.)...and then Daffy and I went Labyrinth again...and db's new album came out...and I didn't skip far enough in my cd last night, and ended up on U2 instead of Labyrinth music...and I was like, yeah, this sounds good for right now. ^_^ ...so, listened to some...fell asleep to October again, something I hadn't done in awhile...woke up this morning, and...I dunno. I didn't want to leave high school with like, weird stuff, y'know, Sigur Rós or summat, which I love, but it's not...U2 *is* me. ...so this morning I was listening to some random soundchecks I d/n'd forever ago...the songs I was listening to that got me psyched up to talk to Blake last summer...the song with the awesome bassline that I taught Daffy (which we were singing on the bus this morning...my God...Daffy, we'll never ride the bus together again like that... ... ...)...got to school, and Dan played "School's Out", I walked off down the hall, singing...that song is just..*AWESOME*. ^_^ ...decided that, for the duration of that, anyway, I'd just be happy about the upcoming summer vaca. ^_^ ...too lazy to write about the day in general..tho what a way to end it--! ..check Daffy's blog, she went thru it some..
But yeah. And didn't really have much in my head 'til the end of the day, 'til I missed Blake...
...I was *so* upset about that, I really was...I wanted...I just wanted to be with him, that last bit, y'know?..just walk about the school some, we were gonna go see Mrs.
Oldfield one last time (we all love her so much, she was/is *the* sweetest teacher ever!..and she gave us "Starmaker"..) together... and I checked his locker, he wasn't in sight, I dropped off a textbook in the science office for B (and left him a short note), checked back..and the halls were almost entirely empty, he wasn't there...and I was so sad...spent *twenty minutes* looking for him, walking the halls, asking everyone if they'd seen him...no-one had...and I just started thinking, praying he hadn't forgotten about it...and the line from a Simple Minds song popped into my head: "Don't you forget about me"...and stayed there...so finally, decided to go down to the jr. high, he'd said to meet him by his "old locker", I'd assumed he meant the one in the hs, but maybe he'd meant jr. high? So I wandered around down there for awhile, then just went to Mrs. Oldfield's room...and asked her if he'd been there at all, and she said he'd just left.
-_-,
...so...I just stayed there, and talked with Mrs. Oldfield for awhile...and it was nice, we just talked about all kinds of stuff...how it'd been going this year for me, how it'd been going for her...what my plans were, what other seniors' plans were...talked about Blake a few times, she asked if we ever were officially a couple..I said no..she said she'd never been quite sure, sometimes it looked like it, but then other times, she wasn't sure...I said no, no..sometimes I'd *wished* it were so, but no.....
.....
...(I still wish it'd been so...)..
So, I had no ride home. Called my grandparents, they picked me up...but on my way back to the high school...I walked slowly, looking around me...and it occured to me...it could be the last time...sang under my breath, to the place I've been for what seems so long, to the place I feel I belong (most days): "Don't you forget about me".....and when I went out to their car, I looked back at the band room, walking slowly..and I really *did* nearly start to cry then, seeing the destruction of the room I've lived in and loved so much these past few years... ...and...I'll never have that place again...never see those walls, the big windows with the ugly blinds that never worked, the door the trombones always opened, and I always ran back to close, my cushy chairs, our senior wall-panels, the tiny practise rooms, the "forbidden" council room (tho I was allowed in, thanks to Blake ~_^)...all of it...is gone forever......
-_-,
...so, anyway, got home, tried to call Blake, his line was busy, called Daffy, chatted a bit, she came over...asked Teraa, who was on the cpu, to see if Blake was online. He was.
Teraa immediately claimed to be Vincent Valentine, and declared that (s?)he'd killed someone Blake knew. *laughing* It was hysterical, Blake was all confused...esp. when she threw in a line of latin (from FF7), that was *great*...but she'd gotten onto one of my s/n's for a sec to tell him to accept the messages from her...after a few minutes, the phone rang - Blake. ^_^ .."I called to see if you got home okay, I couldn't find you.." (...so sweet....*g*).. "Blake, where WERE you?! I couldn't find you anywhere, I kept looking.." I cried, I really *had* been rather upset...he left me...and I'd really been looking forward to this, I'd passed up going out to get ice cream with Heather and a bunch of other people, to just hang out with him for a bit..and..I had my daydreams, too... And he'd said he'd looked for me, but couldn't find me...relating stories, we *just* missed each other, I think we were circling around the hallways, just out of sight of each other.....
*sigh*
...does *NOTHING* ever work out right for me?!?!?! ..as it was, last day of school, and I left all my hw that was due at home..my grandparents were about, thankfully, and picked it up for me, but still...
...eventually, Blake asked if I knew...he couldn't say the name, I just laughed. "Is it *you*?" "No, no, it's my sister!"...and Teraa was ready to kill me cos I spoiled her fun, but ah well...actually, she kept pesterin' him for awhile after that, it was amusing (and I was reading all of it, so...~_^)
...I told him that I think he owes me now..."But I *tried* to find you, I really did, I kept walking around.." "I tried for *twenty minutes*." "Honest, I looked.." "You still owe me, I think." "I'm really sorry.." "... ...okay, apology accepted." "Okay." "..but still..."
..why I kept harping on it, I really don't know..except that..it really *had* upset me.....
But I hadn't meant this to be so long-winded!
...
...I'm wondering if the reason that I haven't been listening to U2 is because it *is* so much me, and it makes me *think*...and that's something I think I'm avoiding right now.....so very easy to get lost in the world of glam, of anime, new music, all that...but U2..*is* my world, *is* me, I have so many memories tied to those songs, so many thoughts, there's so much emotion in every song...and.....
...
...

*Ananda Daydream * 11:11 PM * *

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