***stardust

Wow...guys, we're *all* on the "up" at the moment! *smile* ...hurrah for summer! ^_^ ..tho it still doesn't feel like it, entirely...*so* nice getting to sleep in etc., tho...
...but then, I've got all that stupid nagging in the back of my mind...oughta clean my room, finish filling out papers for college...ok, fine, *start*!...
...
...I dunno, I was thinking about last night/this morning again...I had fun, I guess, but...no-one would've thought so, looking at me, I don't think. I just sat off to the side, occasionally drawing another random guy in my sketchbook (ok, so one wasn't entirely random, was inspired by the way Chris'd been standing for a minute, his outfit etc., tho it doesn't really look like him)...and I was just *absorbing* it all...like I always do...I was thinking, even way back, like, 3rd, 4th grade I was like this, I'd sit and watch Ashley play video games, not really caring to try them myself - partly cos I sucked, but I didn't care, I was perfectly content just to watch...and still now, they were playing truth-or-kiss, and I was watching...just watching...occasionally thinking "hey, that could be *me* there, making out with [*pretty hot guy*]..." But I wasn't...and..I dunno, even concerts and things, or thinking about being a rock star...I really could do a lot more to get myself there...but I don't...I just sit on the sidelines and watch...and maybe it's partly an after-affect of the times I've moved, cos that's what you do when you're in a place where you don't know anyone, you just sit and watch and listen, trying to figure out who you like, which ones are your kind of people...and I know I'll do this again when I get to college...but it's odd, I do this when I'm with Heather a lot, too, esp. when it's her and a bunch of the people she usually hangs out with - I mean, they're mostly my friends too, but I'm not really close with them at all, so I just fall silent and absorb...listening, enjoying, but not adding anything...and it's so strange, and I think about how they must see me so differently than, say, Daf and Laur see me...and I don't know which is more *me*, I think both are parts of me...tho it's who I am with Daf and Laur that's more me, I know, I just say whatever comes to mind, instead of just thinking it like I do with Heather & co...and in school that happens a lot too...maybe it's just anytime I'm with a group of people, I'm a lot more confident when things are one-on-one, I'll sit and chat with anybody, to varying degrees...and sometimes in a group I can still be myself, but mosy times I just keep to myself...even jazz band, I kinda did that, not so much cos there were people there I knew pretty well, Daf and Calypso and Karin etc...but so often, I just sit and draw, and listen, and absorb, but just sit on the sidelines...
...
...I dunno. I want to know *everything*, I like listening to different people, trying to understand who they are, what their worlds are...I like *learning* about people, the lives they live, their thoughts on life and everything, how they see the world...Daffy cares about the planet, I care about people...and both are necessary, we both care about both, but she puts more emphasis on the earth and I think people are more important...
...but this is why I want to learn different languages, they have different ways of saying things, different ways of looking at things...and the words have different *feels* to them, they're more colours for a literary palette...not that I can actually really write, once in awhile I get something great like "Until the End of the World", but I don't consistantly write well - look at this blog, as compared to Laur's...that's what I was trying to say when I praised your blurb on your pre-calc final, Laur, just that you can write about even the most seemingly-mundane thing, and make it interesting, and make the reader feel that the time spent reading it was definitely well-spent...
...Daf and Laur, we can *never* lose touch, you guys remind me of the other sides of myself that so easily slip my mind some days...Daffy, you remind me that the environment needs help too, you remind me of good music that'd otherwise pass me by (Coldplay, CSN&Y, etc.), and writing fantasy and Jareth and..I dunno, so many things..*creativity*, I suppose. Laur, you remind me about my spiritual side (and often lack thereof), I really don't pay it the attention that I should..and looking to you, I see that...and so many days I get caught up in my own world, and forget to send out the check to sponser our kids in Africa and India...and you remind me about writing, the joys of literary things, learning other languages (like Quenya! ^_^), reading, writing *well*... ...you guys help me keep my balance.....
...and I honestly don't know where I'm going here...it's summer vaca and I'm just sitting here letting my thoughts wander (while I'm listening to everything from ABBA's "Dancing Queen" to Dashboard Confessional to Creed to new David Bowie stuff...*smile*).....
...I think it'll be an interesting summer.

*Ananda Daydream * 4:30 PM * *

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~