***stardust

Bah. Enough navel-gazing for one night! ...too tired to be that serious that long, my brain's gonna just short-out if I try much longer...
B'sides, I promised an account of the Blake-dream I had a few nights ago. ^_^
(So glad I was smart enough to write it all down as soon's I woke up that morning---!)

I was at a party at Blake's (dream-version) house (didn't look at *all* like his real house), there were a ton of us all hanging out in the backyard. Blake and I were laying down in the grass by each other (kind of at right angles to each other, really). He left for a minute, and I found this flattened-out penny, like what you get out of those crank-machines, they imprint a new design on the penny for fifty cents? yeah, one of those. It said something about golfing on it, so I figured it was Blake's dad's. (Note: that makes sense. *g*) Talked to some people (Lisa was talking about..eww. nevermind, is gross. o_O;). Blake's cousin (who's our age, goes--err, went! - to school with us) and his girlfriend were commenting on how close together Blake and I had been. Then Blake was coming back, so I lay back down where I'd been before. He lay back down near me again.
"Guess what I found?" I asked, showing him the penny. "Do you know what it is?" he asked me. "Your dad's," I answered. "From [name of place on penny]?" "*And*?" I didn't know, and he took it... then he was like, using it to mess with an alarm clock, an old one he'd had for a long time (in the dream). And I think he was trying to get it to work right... [Thank you Laur for the clock-bit---! *laugh*]
Then Blake's mom came out of the back door, saw him messing with the clock, and started *yelling* at him. (Note: this wasn't so true-to-life, character-wise...his mom is really sweet. out there, but sweet. I can *see* her yelling, maybe, but...*shrug*) She told him to stop messing with it, he didn't know how to do it yet... He kept working at it (tho he'd put a piece on backwards at one point). Then she called him in, and started *lecturing* him about how they *needed* that clock...and then all this bs, this huge long thing, like what *I'm* usually getting, this whole thing with taking on responsibility and not messing things up and making them difficult for other family members, and how things were rough and they had to do all they could, I don't remember quite, but stuff along those lines.
And I was still standing just outside the back door, and heard it all. Karin was the only other one still out back, and she was totally absorbed in playing cards, and so didn't hear a thing I don't think. (Note: *this* is probably about right. *g*)
Then I saw Dad's car pull in out front, and rushed into the house after Blake. Caught up with him on the stair landing by the front door.
And the look on Blake's face was so....bewildered..sad..scared, even...hurt..... ...heartbreaking.
I threw my arms around him, crying his name [note: his real name sounds much nicer'n "Blake" *g*], he held me, and he was crying.....(I've never seen him cry.) I either said, or thought to say 'Welcome to my world,' try to comfort him, let him know he wasn't alone in this...but then he started choking something out: "I...I... All I can do is remember what...your dad said to me....." "What? What'd he say to you, Blake?" "He said... it was *my* fault that your mom left." (Note: uhhh...no semblance to reality at all. Dream-reasoning: He'd distracted me, I was always thinking about him, and not mom? not my family? ..something like that...) "No, no, no, Blake, it's not your fault at *all*! It's not at *all*! etc..." I cried, hugging him, kissing his neck and cheek, our faces pressed together and rubbing against each other...and things had changed so quickly from comfort into something else...we were about to start kissing...and he started to move his hands up inside my shirt..."No, Blake, my dad's right there in the frickin' driveway!" He stopped (tho he knew I only meant to stop for the moment), and I promised I'd be *right* back, once I'd begged some more time from Dad.
Ran to the car, asked Dad if I could stay longer, he got all pissed and yelled, tried to lay a guilt trip on me etc., but I wouldn't let him... "I got the car all fixed up so I could come get you..." "I told you I'd be home at 8-ish [note: was 8 then], and I might get a ride." [note: that's all not too far from possible]...he got pissed, said he couldn't get my pictures developed then, I'd had him take in too many already. "Okay, fine, it doens't matter." He left, and I didn't care.
I ran back into the house...to find Daf and, uhh, Zerubbabel [who dream-version Daf'd been crushing on...*no* semblance to real-life!] standing where Blake and I had been, and the two of them were like, making out. They stopped when they saw me. "No, no, it's okay guys, really...do you know which way Blake went?" They didn't know, so I reasoned he'd gone upstairs (since Daf and Zeru'd come from downstairs). I ran up the stairs faster'n anything, and he was there at the top of the stairs waiting for me.
His room was like, right there, he showed me around it (looked nothing like his room really does)...

Then, stupid dream shifted, and there were two other girls in the room too, we were watching a commercial on tv...
And then I woke up. (Now, had I stayed asleep, I could've thrown the two girls out of the room, and... ^_~)

So...yeah. There it is. Too much angsty-fic, been discussing Blake with Meg too long, too many daydreams, I've no idea.
But...I can't get it out of my head...the look on his face...his hands on me.....
*cough* Right, anyway. Need to get some sleep. Am insanely tired, if I take too long blinking I'm gonna fall asleep right here---!

random current good music:
"Can't Help Falling in Love With You (Triple Peaks remix)", U2.
"Angelfalls", Ayla

*Ananda Daydream * 12:14 AM * *

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