***stardust

YAY for Zinni being here!!!!! ^_^ (*Do* hope I get a chance to see you again before you leave, tho!!! ..sorry I didn't get to spend more time with you today, Zin, I really am...*feels bad* ...you looked kinda lonely at Blake's, and I feel bad...)

Good and bad day, really. (Ok, well, technically this was all *yesterday* at this point, but...*g*)
Spent Fri. night at Daf's with Zinni, which was very nice. And Daf and I were up 'til 5am, just talking...about her and Calypso...me and Blake a bit...what music meant to us - how we got into it, the teachers that have meant so *very* very much to us, all this stuff...and how much U2 means to us...(Daffy, I'm so glad they mean as much to you as they do to me, I really am...*smile*)
So that was all very good (except for trying to get up the next morning! x___x *laugh*).

Got home about noon, figured I had two hours to take a shower and make Blake a card, then go to his grad party. Took a shower, then went to check my e-mail real quick.
Mistake.
Dad came in with the mail, I had a thing from the bank..and I looked at it, and wasn't quite sure what it was, so handed it to Dad to look at. And he got *all* pissed off. "You've taken out a $20,000 loan." ...I'm thinking, yeahhh...*you're* the one who helped me get it, remember?...and he storms off, saying something like, "you never listen to your father, he doesn't know a damn thing"...and I'm thinking, *what* are you talking about?!
Comes back, and lectures for like, an hour. Going on and on, I coul've gotten a job, and scholarchips, and all this stuff...and I got really upset, cos I *know* I shuold've tried to get more, but I didn't, and I don't know why, I really and truly don't...I don't...and I *know* I should've, I've been beating myself up about it forever now....and he's talking about how I'm slacking on responsibities and all this shit, and I'm sitting here crying (I don't take lectures well, try as I might)...
Finally, he lets me go, I go upstairs...and realise I've only got half an hour to get dressed and ready before Zinni's mom was gonna pick us up. So...I didn't have time to make Blake a card. ;_; ...I was so sad, I really was, felt terrible about it...(He assured me later that it was okay, but I promised him I'd still get it to him...)
Put on my Under a Blood Red Sky U2 shirt, my fav necklace (with a heart in a suitcase charm I made), grabbed my Bono shades (to hide my still-red eyes if I needed to...also for the sense of Bono they leant me...needed it..). Listened to the first few songs off October, felt slightly better.

So, Zinni's mom took myself, Daf, and Zin over to Churchville Park. Weren't a whole lot of people there yet, really, but more trickled in, and there were quite a few before long. But we sat down, chatted with people for awhile...and there was one girl I didn't really know. And I wondered... sure enough, Blake was introducing everyone to some relatives (hee, it was so cool, his grandparents even remembered me ^_^)...and...it was...oh, carp. Should probably do a codename, for consistancy. *g* Darnit. Somehow, I don't remember ever having a codename for her, which's actually odd...meh. *shrug* Uhhh...*racking brain* Bess. There we go. That works. *laugh*
But yeah. She was there. I...kinda minorly flipped out. Cos for years.....actually, I talked to her for awhile on aim and things a few years back, she and Blake and I spent hours in chatrooms together a few times, just screwing around...but then, Dan said to me once, this was a few years ago, that if Blake liked anyone, it was either myself or her. Tho she's lived in S. Carolina since 6th grade, I think. But before that, they were really good friends...and even since, they've kept in pretty close touch. And...unfair as I knew it was, I saw her kind of as a rival, really. And didn't talk to her as much, we kinda dropped off talking after awhile (tho this is frequent online, y'know? but..). And she came up for visits now and then, and I was always so relieved, cos somehow I was always (legitimately!) busy when someone planned for us all to meet at the mall or something, with her there. And I haven't worried about her as much the past year or two, but...anytime her name would come up, I'd still kinda cringe inside. And I *know* it wasn't fair of me, I knew it then, but...*sigh*
So yeah. And she was there today.
But...it wasn't so bad after all. I actually only saw him sitting by her I think once, oddly enough... and a bunch of us were talking at one point, she was sitting opposite me at the picnic table, and she saw my shirt, asked if I was a big fan of U2..."Yeah!!!" ^_^ ...and she saw Edge's wedding!!!!! ...I...kinda flipped out. *g* ..turns out she was in France at the same time, I forget where she said she was, but they looked down from the cliff or wherever they were, and could see the reception and stuff, tho she didn't know who it was 'til the next day and saw it in the paper. Waiii~~~~~! *laugh* ..but...GAH.....maaaannnnnn....*g* (Said to Daffy at this point: "Well, maybe she's not *so* bad...." *g* ..at least she *knew* who U2 *were*! *laugh*)
Didn't see Blake for awhile, chatted with Christy and Heather (S.), Karin Lisa and Greg, etc... When we sat down to eat, he came over.."Hey, haven't seen you in awhile!" "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry..." "No, I know, there's a lot of people here"....."..but I'll sit and eat with you guys." Which he did. ^_^
Hung out with peeps for awhile, Daf and Zin left, but I decided to stay for awhile (wanted to spend some more time with Blake *g*). Mmm, lemme think...I dunno. Talked with Christy, Jess D., some other people for awhile...inc. girl who was visiting from Germany (which was just cool) who was there with someone...looked at the stuff they'd set up...oh! Soooo *cute*!!!! ^_^
There were a bunch of pics of him when he was little...and there were a bunch I was in, too. *smile* There were two from the preschool Christmas play, one of just the two of us...gah. ^_^ (He was Joseph both years - see, talented even then! *smile* These were pics from the second year, cos I was a wiseman - thought they were the *coolest* costumes. *g*) Class pic from preschool, and one from one of his b-day parties when he was little, I was right in the middle...*smile* (Wearing this black dress with patterened magenta trim that I remember loving *dearly*...*laugh*)
And Bluey was there!!!!! ^_^ ..that made me so happy, it really did. I've no idea why, really, but...*g* I *remember* Bluey, his fav stuffed animal, a blue rabbit...hasn't aged well, tho that just shows how much he was loved. *smile* (So *cute*....I know, I'm making you all sick now....*g*)
Hung out awhile...chatted with Dan, who showed up (and said I shoulda stopped over to his party - tho, as I reminded him, I was never actually invited...he claims it's cos he hasn't got my e-mail addy, tho I was sure he at least had my old one..*shrug*). But that was actually kinda nice, hadn't *really* talked to him in awhile.
People had started leaving, after awhile it was mostly just some friends left (well, and Blake's impossibly hyperactive little cousin, Katie...*wow*...*g*). Blake said he wanted to play badminton, he hadn't gotten much of a chance to yet..so I volunteered to come play, then so'd some other people. At first I was playing against him, then his teammate left, so I slipped under the net and played on his side. ^_^ ...was so much fun, it really was. We were both playing (abnormally *g*) well, Kelly said we should have team names, Blake declared our team name "the winners"...we just laughed when we'd both go for the birdie and missed, smiling at each other...complimented each other on good hits...helped each other make up grandiose excuses when we missed - "we missed it on purpose...we were...just trying to help raise your self esteem!" "yeah, we wouldn't want you guys to have low esteem and all, that's not good"...*laugh* ...and much better bs than that, I just can't think of it all right now...it was just..*fun*...finally, it got too dark to see anymore, we headed back over to where everyone else was...and we were arguing the whole way, the other team saying they'd won, us declaring that we had (I *still* think we won *g*)...at one point, I think Kelly's arguing got poor Blake all confused (or, so he claimed *g*), she's saying they won, I said "No, *we* won!", and Blake turns around to face me and says, "No, *we*---wait, you were on my team!" "Bla-ake!" [hrm. doesn't work as well's his real name did..*g*] And I like, launched into him, shoving him with my whole side (up against his...gyehhh...and...I hadn't thought about it at *all*, just *did* -*laugh* cos he deserved it! *g* - but...*smile*..felt so..cozy....*smile*)...he protested, 'I'm sorry, she got me all confused!...'
Hung around awhile longer, Kelly tried to kill AJ (or something...), we all talked and played/watched people play ping-pong in the dark...I stayed 'til pretty much the very end, Nicole gave me a ride home, I got back about 9.30.
...
...and only once we'd gotten into the car did I realise: I was wearing a grey shirt today (tho with a good deal of red on it). And he was wearing colour (a maroon-coloured shirt, tho I think he had a grey t-shirt on underneath). *shaking head, smiling*...

Meh. 'Course, got home, chatted with Matantis and Brian, and got re-lectured by Dad when I didn't say anything to him...but he was on the phone when I got in, and then I just hadn't said anything to him yet when he came into the kitche cos I was laughing at Matt, and wasn't sure if he was still pissed off (cos I figured he was, he'd yelled at Matt too).
Blah. So got another big long lecture that I really didn't want.
...another..lessee...twenty days? *siiigh*

*Ananda Daydream * 2:11 AM * *

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