Note to self (and warning to others):
Do *NOT* attempt to start your day off by watching some of Serial Experiments Lain. Very, very bad idea. Great series, but, I mean, it *really* fucks with your head, for one. And it's very dark, in its way.
"Humans are all alone. They are not connected in any way."
Taking that thought...add in some odd and vaguely disturbing snatches of dreams...the feeling that you've realy done *nothing* worth anything lately...questions without answers...being away from home, in an environment where nothing is sure, not even the morals you've thought so solid for so long...missing people...one of your first actions of the morning being to accidentally swear in front of someone's parents, feeling like an ass because of it...and then just your typical (largely baseless but stil very real) anxieties and paranoias (does anyone really care about me?)...ad infinitum...
...and it's gonna seriously fuck with your day.

That's one thing that scares me lately...how easy it is to lose a moral compass. Once you're out of your childhood household, away from family and all that you once knew...once you're out of high school and the rigid rules of such...once you've reached a point in your life where you make up your own mind about things - the language you use, how you dress, how you stand on different issues...it's amazing and freeing and alive, it's great. But the more of an individual you are...the harder it can be to hold on to anything. There are so many things, that I thought I knew for sure...and now I don't. The one thing that I thought I could hang on to, was that I don't believe in sex before marriage. Not that I'll hate anyone who does, y'know, but just..I don't think it's quite right. That was just my thing. But here...it's such a casual thing, there are guys staying overnight all up and down this hall. (And yeah I know it's innocent in some cases...but in a lot, it's just not.) And there's no stigma attatched to this at all. And there are fewer and fewer of my friends who haven't done it yet. And I'm seeing less and less reason for my opinion on it.....
And I mean, that's just one of the things. Homosexuality...I believe it's wrong. I mean, think about it, it doesn't even make *sense*, for one thing - was it intended to be, we wouldn't be built the way we are, y'know?? But thing is...to say that? you get fucking *killed* for saying it's wrong. In this politically correct world, it's wrong to think homosexuality's wrong. I'm one of the close-minded enemy. (And then, there are things like my addiction to U2-slash-fics. It's all purely fantasy in my mind, honestly, I know it is. That's how I justify it (whether right or wrong). But I mean, Britty and I'll find a pic of two impossibly pretty guys kissing..and be totally turned on by it. What do I do with *that*?)

I want to be open-minded, I really try to be...but then again...I need to have something solid to hold on to....how do you reconsile that?