Alright well.. it's been over a month since I updated aaaanything. Not so good. Going to get back on that, trying like mad to get my nanowrimo stories all typed up (so I can edit and use in my capstone, ack), so that blog should be updated today, and in a timely fashion for the next..well, probably nearly every day, until I catch up to all the stories I've written, I think there's like 3 or 4 to go.

I could link-spam, and I think I will later, cos I found some pretty fun sites recently. And I have discovered the wonder of bit torrent for download manga <333, which has led to many happy hours in shoujo-land. (You can only take so much Berserk before you start seeing blood every time you close your eyes. Tom told me to think about rainbows over fields of flowers and I tried to, but the rainbow was dripping blood onto everything. It was really frightening.) And Paradise Kiss has been made into an anime and it's halfway through being fansubbed! \0/ Only having read all the manga.. I'm expecting too much from the anime now. sigh. Classes are going remarkably well, and I actually settled in pretty quick for once this semester. (Go figure, it's only in my last semester that I don't have a course-related breakdown at the start of the semester.) Bio is not so boring as I'd feared, cos the professor's fun and enthusiastic, and the girl who sits next to me is very friendly and nice. Creative Writing..I still get nervous and things, especially reading things aloud we just wrote offhand in class, but it's a very good mix of talent in the class, and the professor's the nicest ever, and the assignments have actually worked out really well for me. Video..our first project had nothing to do with video, as it usually goes with Matt, so I've only got an idea for my first video, haven't done anything yet, so we'll see. But it's a Matt class so the projects are a little annoying, but they seem to stick to video after this, and not video plus uber technology that I wouldn't get, as I'd feared, so s'all good. Capstone is.. feeling a little rushed, inasmuch as we're supposed to have everything nailed down already to make timelines and things, but.. aside from that, it's really good, I feel pretty comfortable with things, now that I know what I'm doing.

I've decided to try to get out and do things around campus, even if no-one else is going, when something catches my eye. So there's this multimedia dance performance tonight that looks really awesome that I'm going to, and the theatre department's doing The Glass Menegerie later this month - Haruna has a lead role, her dream role at that, so I'm really excited about going to that. *bounces*

meh I'm really tired, got up early today for a counseling appointment..which was worth the 9am wake-up and the tiredness I have now, cos she helped me sort out some things I can work on to stop being quite as tempermental and moody an artist. Which's good. (I've been fine lately, don't worry, just that I suffer occasional breakdowns that were really starting to be problematic and frustrating.)

My list of Really Big Things To Take Care Of now that I'm back on campus is still longer than I'd like, but I'm definitely making a dent in it.

I want this shirt. I'm trying to find a way to justify spending $18 on a shirt when I have less than $100 to get through a semester, and Dad's already on my back monetarily..

..I realised today though, during counseling, that maybe that's a reason the "compassionate parent" voice in my head, which is wise but compassionate, tends to be so quiet, the guilt-tripping one is far louder, pointing out all the things I should be doing, which.. is important, there *are* things I need to be doing, and should be. But I need to approach it in a way that's encouraging, not demanding or accusing.. which isn't something I've had much of in the past few years, aside from Tom recently. "Won't I feel better if I take care of them? So I should go do that," rather than "Why haven't you done this yet? You should've already taken care of this ages ago, what's wrong with you why isn't it done?"

Not slacking off, but not guilt-tripping over it.

...and keeping a healthy stream of good music going, and taking an hour aside when needed to replenish my creativity or do something for myself, a drawing a poem watching rainbow brite, whatever it may be.

I don't want my world to be dark and upset and guilt-ridden and melancholy. I want to bring color and hope. I want to smile and laugh, and to look forward to each passing hour.