***stardust

12.18.2003

AHHHHH PACKINGMOVINGCLEANINGLEAVINGWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!??!!?!?!?

uhm, yeah. getting offline now *twitch twitch* so like *twitch* yeah. Dad should be here about 5, so I should be home around 7 or 8pm tonight...and Lawrence will be the first thing unpacked and set up. *g*
Cya'll then~

*Ananda Daydream * 2:22 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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12.16.2003

I sit at my table and wage war on myself
It seems like it's all...it's all for nothing
I know the barricades, and
I know the mortar in the wall breaks
I recognize the weapons, I used them well

This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the wall, and I will be the one to knock it down

I've a rich understanding of my finest defenses
I proclaim that claims are left unstated,
I demand a rematch
I decree a stalemate
I divine my deeper motives
I recognize the weapons
I've practiced them well. I fitted them myself

It's amazing what devices you can sympathize...empathize
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the walls, and I will be the one to knock it down

Reach out for me and hold me tight. Hold that memory
Let my machine talk to me. Let my machine talk to me

This is my world
And I am world leader pretend
This is my life
And this is my time
I have been given the freedom
To do as I see fit
It's high time I've razed the walls
That I've constructed

It's amazing what devices you can sympathize...emapathize
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the walls, and I will be the one to knock it down

You fill in the mortar. You fill in the harmony
You fill in the mortar. I raised the walls
And I'm the only one
I will be the one to knock it down
"World Leader Pretend" - R.E.M.

*Ananda Daydream * 5:37 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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anyone remember why I reached the conclusion that homosexuality was wrong...?
I have one half-assed reason lurking but it's really not a very good one.
And I'm living the biggest fucking contradiction ever, I have been, for awhile, and I can't stand hypocrisy and just..I hate seeing this in myself. This needs resolved, and I don't know which way......

*Ananda Daydream * 5:30 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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12.15.2003

w007! Another final out of the way, and with time to spare. *g* Got up far earlier'n I wanted to (9am whaaaat?!) to index my notes (idea stolen from my friend Mariah - number pages for notes, then go thru study-guide and write down page number of that item in notes *G*), go over to the library and whip thru the listening, finish indexing notes, fill in gaps in notes from professor's website, fly over to willic for ten minutes to grab something to eat (and some mt. dew z_z; ), then to Mason for my exam. Which went veryvery well - the listening was fresh in my ear, and I'd written good brief descriptions of each piece, and half of the rest of the questions I didn't even have to look up, since I remembered them from just having been through my notes. ^_^

(This is "another final" done cos my ethics one's all done with, we had it in class.. that one really wasn't too bad either. Psych is on Wednesday, which I need to study for, once I get my notebook back. *giggles*)

Need to write up a blurb on my drawings before I go to that final..it's not an exam at all, we're all putting up our set of eight drawings, then we all look at them and have to explain them kinda I guess. Will be interesting. *g*
...spent FOUR HOURS over in Rockefeller late last night finishing up the buggers - I had some touching-up to do on some, then it took a good two hours to cut down the black paper of DOOM (that was too big for the paper-cutter >_<;; ) and mount my the things...geh.

Anyway, yeah. That needs done and I gotta get over there, do that, then work, wheeeee. *g*

*Ananda Daydream * 2:41 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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12.14.2003

just cos. *g* ganked from some random blog I stumbled across today.

10 years ago I...
a) was living in Perry. <3
b) first heard 'Zooropa' - Mom bought the cassette, I remember being in the kitchen in Perry with Mom and Dad and Matt, cos she said that Johnny Cash did a song on the album, and this concept blew all of our minds..not, of course, that I really knew who Johnny Cash was entirely, just a vague concept of the old-school country that Dad liked..nor was I really into U2. Mom hated the album. *giggles*
c) was beginning to be home-schooled.
d) was devesatated about being home-schooled, I thought I'd never survive and miss my friends terribly. (I did, but then three years later..I didn't wanna go *back* to public school. *g*)
e) made my first little garden beneath the white birch tree in our front yard that I claimed for my own. It failed, however, cos the ground there was too wet and it was infested with pincher-bugs of DOOM. Also, a birch tree, pretty as it is, is not a very effective sort of fort, and it's no fun when it's on the other side of the house from your brother's fort.

5 years ago I...
a) was getting pretty settled in to living in Chili again.
b) was in the first year or so of my Monkees-obsession. ^_^
c) had what I still think of as one of my best core-groups of friends: myself, Blake, Dan, Katie O', Dave, Daf on occasion..oh goodness, probably Kristen still at that point, Greg and Eric and Katie G. eventually.. junior high had some really great times for me.
d) was in the jr. high vocal ensemble. <3 Those *were* some of my best singing-times ever, we were awesome and we had *so* much fun...ok a bit less fun when DeFiori came in and gave us choreography of DOOOOM, but it was still so much fun. ^_^
e) was in love with Blake and being stalked by Calypso. *has to laugh*

One year ago I...
a) was becoming very good friends with Britty and Erin by about this time. *smiles*
b) switched roomates, Jacquie moved out and Haruna moved in. ^___^
c) was mad-crazy addicted to watching anime on my computer - weekends were spent staying up 'til 4am watching Cowboy Bebop or Haibane Renmei or any number of things, then sleeping in 'til late afternoon, only to watch something again. *g*
d) struggled with evil music theory of DOOOOOM.
e) fell even more in love with Fredonia, seeing the square in town all light up for Christmas, everything covered in snow...

Six months ago I...

a) was seeing Himeros. I think. .."seeing" I guess is about the closest term for it..*shakes head, half-laughs*
b) began to become OBSESSED with DDR. ^___^
c) was waiting for July to come and Megs to visit. ^___^
d) gave up on finding a job for the summer :p
e)

One month ago I...

a) was bouncing around super-happy with life and everything cos Megs was here ^____________^
b) *laughs softly* had a bit of a new experience, which Megs and only Megs knows about.. not that I'm trying to exclude the rest of you, but.. it's not something any of you would even want to hear, I think. *g*
c) figured out my schedule for next semester, and discovered what I may end up majoring in (at long last). (have now, of course, forgotten the exact name, but..*giggles*)
d) thought I was close to done with my current Mackie-fic ("As An Angel Runs to Ground"). Am still working on it, as it spins utterly out of my control. ^_^
e) began getting Erica addicted to DDR. *hehehehehe*

Yesterday I...

a) slept in laaaaaate, cos I'd been up laaaaate with things in the early hours of that morning..
b) went Christmas-shopping with Britty and had loads of fun in doing so. ^_^
c) finished up the last required drawing for my current drawing-class.. yet another sad angel-boy, this one facing away, kneeling on the ground with his wings spread but tied down.. I did actually put the..poem?..ish..thing..I wrote that led to it on there, I wrote it all cool it's fun. ^_^ (AND LEGIBLE, shush :p )
d) drooled over hotboy pics with my suitemates. *giggles* They all came in here and we went thru the folder on my computer, and bit lips or hands or whatever needed to stifle whimpers and things. Haruna was like O_o. *giggles* It was fun. ^_^
e) was happy cos it snooooowed. ^____^

Today I...

a) spent the early morning hours pretending I was 9 years old and visiting Dublin for the summer again with my bestest friend Megs who's 10 and we were going to 11 year-old Adam Clayton's house for dinner and met up with 9 year-old Larry Mullen there. ^_____^ It was sweet and fun and good.
b) slept in laaaaate again. *giggles*
c) did some more Christmas shopping with Britty. ^_^ We walked some of the way from one store to another, and sang Christmas carols as we did. Or, well, tried to - Britt doesn't know the words to far too many, and those she does, I don't quite. *giggles*
d) talked with Megs a bunch, as always.
e) was informed that Nate-the-ever-cool updated his site again. Go, yo, mad fun: http://www.geocities.com/piman_314159

Tomorrow I...

a) have my music history final. Should not be bad, cos it's open-notes.
b) need to get up early enough to go over to the library and do the listening for said final, cos I'm procrastinating and would rather talk with Megs tonight anyway. *giggles*
c) have my drawing final, as well, which consists of us all putting up our last batch of drawings and explaining them, I guess. Is going to be..well, interesting.. *laughs*
d) have my last night of work before going home for break..which means, feck, need to do cards TONIGHT so I can have one for Heidi only--- oh fookmooffins I hate how badly I procrastinate sometimes. >__<
e) darn well BETTER work on Christmas-things! *has to laugh* geh.

One year from now I...

a) will be sitting here, much the same, only with a new roomate, possibly someone I don't even know....
b) will be missing Britty and Erica and everyone as well as Megs.
c) will have a new U2 album to listen to, and probably-hopefully some awesome concert-memories to think on. ^_____^
d) probably still won't be able to drive. *giggles*
e) will have declared some sort of major. O_o;

*giggles* okyeah that was random. I need to get things accomplished tonight, yo... kbye.

*Ananda Daydream * 8:50 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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Drove home to that achingly long song:
The one that moves so slow,
it makes you wonder if you're ever going to hear the next note
the way that feet moved slow through Denver December snow,
past cars that got stuck in the road
(that winter when I asked what a fourteen year old boy
could possibly know about forever, and you told me a lot).

"Grace, the Snow is Here" - The Gloria Record

*Ananda Daydream * 6:29 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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Right, ehm, updates what? ^^;
Truthfully, though, it's been a pretty uneventful few weeks, apart from the latter part of last week which was far too full of drastic emotional swings..
A few things of note, however:

*There is SNOW! I'm so happy. ^____^ Went to sleep at the wrong end of the bed last night, just so I could have my head next to the window to look out at the snow softly falling, a million tiny angel's feathers floating down in the soft golden light from the next building and reflected from the clouds.. We've about 2-3" right now, and it's still drifting down, which is good. ^_^

*I HAVE A THANK-YOU CARD FROM TAYLOR HANSON. ^_____________^ I know I never did get around to writing up the Hanson shows on here, but.. Buffalo show, we were in line outside the venue from the minute we got to Buffalo after the Toronto show. This was, needless to say, a long time, so I had my sketchbook with me, as always. The three girls I went with (only one of whom I'd known beforehand, Jen from band) had all been to see Hanson when they did a radio show a few days before, and had photos which were constantly passed around (and made us friends in line..which was useful, as well as fun, cos then in Toronto they didn't mind so much that Jamie had saved us places though we'd only just gotten there and it was far up in the line that we jumped in). There was one shot of Taylor that Lindsey had taken that was absolutely the most beautiful picture I've ever ever seen. (I think. Probable exceptions being a few pics of Lar I have sitting about. *g*) Absolutely gorgeous. So, being bored, and realising I'd never actually tried to draw Taylor (which is rather odd, actually), I borrowed her photo and curled up on the sidewalk to draw. It was in my little purple sketchbook, so it wasn't even, y'know, more'n 4, 5" across, just a small sketch with mechanical pencil, but it came out really, really pretty, I think I spent maybe half an hour or so on it, it was like, perfect and gorgeous. I was very happy. ^_^ It got passed around and everyone was like O___O whoa, that's amazing! (I wouldn't go so far as that, it was pretty but not anything like, awe-worthy. *giggles*) Then someone suggested I give it to Taylor. Honestly, I did NOT want to part with it. *giggles* I hate not being able to keep any of my drawings - which is one reason I could probably never be a professional artist.. but, I thought on it for awhile, and decided hey, y'know, why not? It'd be cool, and I really like the band, y'know? So I wrote a little note beside the drawing, I don't even remember quite what it said anymore, just a short little thing saying I drew it while waiting outside for the show, and how great I think what they do is, something like that. Lindsey had a meet'n'greet with the band, so she took it in to give them along with a letter and things from her.
When we caught up with her (much, much later, through a number of organisational horrors committed by those in charge at the venue, or somewhere along the way), she said that she'd had the drawing on top of the things she gave them, and Taylor was really impressed by it. ^_____^ So I was bouncing and excited and very very happy.
Since then, Jen's hung out with the guys a lot (to what degree exactly I can't say, but it's been a fair bit, anyway). In band on Tuesday, she came in and said, hey, I have something for you, you're going to be very excited, only I forgot it in my room so I'll give it to you later. So I'm all like, ok, what's this, y'know?
A thank-you card from TAYLOR for the drawing.
^___________^
Needless to say, I spazzed. A lot. *giggles* She got it to me the next day, and just, she handed it to me and on the envelope is my name in Sharpie marker, written by him. And spelled correctly, at that, I was psyched.
I died.
Somehow, managed to get the thing open.. I'd scan, but then all the Tay-ness would be on the scanner-bed instead of in the card. :p *giggles* So to transcribe (spelling and capitalisation randomness verbatim *giggles*):

"Melissa---                                     11/03
      Hey, Thanks so much for the drawing you gave me in Buffalo.
Its amazing! you should do that
proffessionally... maybe do some stuff for our next album! Anyway, I
just wanted to thank you again.
Hope you had fun at the concert and
I hope to meet you at another.
                 Peace, love & Music
             Taylor"

^____________________^
And he has a very cute scrawl, I like it. *g*
The funny thing is, it's such a girly little card, he *so* must've ganked it from his mom's stash or something, it has this pretty little cottage with a flower garden out front on it. *giggles* It's cute tho. ^_^

*Classes ended on Friday, and my ethics final was in class and went pretty well. It's insane, I can't believe the semester's over already..... last year went so quickly, I'd hoped this year would spin out a little longer, but it's not at all...... despite the occasional suitemate angst, I'm so, so happy here, with the people I'm with... and next week Erica's leaving for good, I'm moving in with Britt, Haruna's staying now but we'd already turned in the paperwork to move around so Jen's moving in here when I move in with Britt... craziness.

*Oliver (cuteboy from psych) *still* has my notebook. *laughs* He missed class last week, so on Tuesday he asked if he could borrow my notes to photocopy them. I said sure, if you think you can read them... he leaned over and peered at the page and said "yeah, actually, I can read this". ^_^ So he borrowed the notebook but forgot it on Thursday, then was so rushed doing things he didn't have time to get it to me after class.. and I haven't gotten around to talking to him about it again. *giggles* Cos I feel bad like, hounding him about it... really, I'd go over and pick it up from him - he lives just in the next dorm over - only...*giggles* this is dreadfully silly, but, Britt keeps missing him when we pass by him on the way to class and things, and she wants to see what he looks like, so we're trying to get him over *here*. Yes I'm fully aware of how junior-high this is. *laughs*
But really, then too, I won't study for psych 'til Tuesday, so it doesn't really matter to me. (And I have to wonder.. that notebook in particular is fiiiilled with little chibi-U2s and lyrics and things in the margins, and there're a number of pages where I have things written other than notes..a page or so of a Bono-pov fic I started and keep forgetting about, a poem/story? sort of thing that came out of being in the old cemetary in town (and reading so much Kaze to Ki no Uta), some other bits of things, as always I can't call them poems really but I guess that's what they're closest to, poems or lyrics or something.. anyway, I have to wonder if he's looked at any of them, in looking for the notes he needs. *smiles a bit*)

*I got Britty on iTunes, so we can gank each others' music now, it's fun. *g*

*Did some Christmas-shopping yesterday - tho most-all my gifts, I'm doing about the same thing for, there were some things I wanted to get, and looking around I spotted things that I wanted to get for people, so it was fun. And I bought the BEST wrapping-paper like EVER: It's Care Bears Christmas wrapping paper. ^______^ ..the new-school ones, unfortunately - it's the new Share Bear, and their body shapes are subtley different - but still, it's awesome. ^___^
And Britty and I had the best time ever in the stuffed animal aisle. ^_^

*Heidi, the lady I work with, got me a Christmas present. Brought it back to my room and opened it...it's this huuuge 3lb box of *chocolates*. I was overwhelmed. I don't even... wow.
First thing I did was pass it around to my suitemates cos I'm like holy friggin' crap this is WAY too much chocolate. *giggles* And just... I hardly know her, really, and she got me this, and--- *overwhelmed again*
I truly, honestly, am surrounded by the best people in the world, I'm so blessed to be in the place that I am.

*So that led to a crazy emotional high and just, being overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for everyone in general...then of course I slipped down later that night and fell into one of my moods. *has to laugh* Undulation what?
And then..yeah. There was all of that with Erik - which I really didn't get too tied into, for whatever reasons..I guess cos I haven't talked with him in awhile, everything I was getting was second-hand...which isn't to say I wasn't worried like anything. And then that all petered out into nothing...which messed with all of us, I think. *shakes head* crazy..
Then there was everything with Megs..which is between her and I, I'm not going to get into it here...and it's not even that we had a fight or anything, not even a disagreement really, just..sort of misunderstanding about some things and seeing things different and some things to clear up and just..yeah. But we're getting through it just fine, and in the end, we'll just be all the closer for it, like always. *smiles and huuuuuuugs* love you~ ^_^

*Aaaaand fookmooffins, I'm off again! *laughs* Going out to buy bows and ribbons and things with Britty, then running around to the library and rockefeller to prep for my music history and art finals tomorrow~

*Ananda Daydream * 3:21 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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