***stardust

So... Erin left.
..she's coming back tomorrow afternoon, I'll be at class/work, to ge the rest of her things, but...
I came back from drawing at 6 to find her and her mom in her room, packing... "you're leaving *today*?" "yeah.." I asked why, all she'd say to me was that it was "personal", and wouldn't say more......
...which *did* hurt me, cos, she and I told each other so much last year; she, Britt, and Haruna've been my three closest friends here on campus... and she can't tell me why she's leaving..?
(Talking to Erica later, she said that it was cos a lot of it had to do with Britt, and Erin didn't want to say anything to me cos I'm so close to Britt, but...?? *sighs*)
Not that I at all wanted her to do, *especially* out of nowhere like this! ..but I was good and helpful and helped carry a few things for her and whatnot... and we hugged and said goodbye, and I told her we'd miss her.....
...and she's gone.

Before I got back, when Erin first came back to the dorm, Britt was in the room napping, she woke up and Erin told her she was leaving... and Britt took off, Erin didn't know where.
By this time, it was definitely dark, and I knew how incredibly upset Britt must be... so I was worried, and decided to go out and look for her, futile as it would probably be, at least I could try... Erica walked past just then, so I filled her in, and she immediately volunteered to go with me. So I left messages with people to tell Britt to come back here if they saw her, left a message on her door and Erica left one for Jen who'd be back from class before long... and we headed out. Checked to see if Britt's bike was still there, and it was.. Walked all around the campus for about 20, 25 minutes, came back here to check and see if she or Jen'd come back... Jen *had* and was *gone*.
By herself.
So, we went out to the parking lot.. and found her car gone, she'd gone off alone and Jen doesn't *like* driving at night and-- gah.
So we had *two* friends to worry about.
Headed back to the dorm again, I told Erica to go in and leave a note for Jen while I grabbed my bike and went around Ring Road real quick to check... so I took off, peering into every darkened area around there, when I got to the woods I called her name, the whole time just *praying* that she - and Jen - were safe, and begging God to send them back home to us soon before anything could happen... not that Fredonia's a dangerous town by any means, but, this is after dark, they were both alone, and I don't doubt Britt could defend herself but in her current state of mind? I was *worried*.. and I knew she *needed* a friend right then, and she was all alone...
Rode around by the library stairs, jumped up to peek into the ampitheatre, looked all around, then sped back to the dorm... where, thank God, Erica and *Britt* were waiting at the bikerack. I jumped off my bike and just hugged her for a long minute or two, just *so*, so glad she was ok... the whole thing couldn't've lasted even quite an hour, but I'd been getting so scared, and just, I knew she needed us, and I wanted to be there with her and for her and---
So we were together again, went back inside, and thank goodness *Jen* was in there, and fine... there was much hugging and apologising and gratitude and just everything... but three of us'd eaten nothing yet, and we were all so frazzled, I suggested heading out to dinner. My treat. NO FECKING ARGUMENTS. Which there were, and a lot of. And they all brought money but in the end I won, tho I let them pay the tip cos I didn't have any small bills. *laughs* Jen drove us to Denny's and we aaaate which was good, tho Britt wasn't hungry and just had a few cups of coffee. We hung out there for probably an hour, hour and a half, just talking and laughing and picking out songs on the radio while I made towers and sculptures of the little containers of half-and-half or whatever it was. *giggles*
Drove back, and sat in the car another ten minutes or so cos a good song came on the radio and we all just sat there bopping about and singing for no reason for like two or three songs, and it was fun. Came back in and had a group hug *awwww*. *giggles* And Britt's had up the sweetest thank you as an away message, it almost made me cry (for like, the fifth fecking time tonight, this's ridiculous..)...
And I'm *sooo* exhausted now.. might do a round or two of ddr just to knock out any frustration and spaziness still in my system, then I'm curling up to read and sleeeeeeeep.

..feck calling resnet, maybe if I don't call them back they'll just forget this whole thing....... >_<

*Ananda Daydream * 11:30 PM * (0) stars grow bright *

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Gracious, more angst has been seen in this suite in the past 24 hours than it's seen all semester so far...
...
y'know... reading all these old books *is* going to mess with my language usage. not that it hasn't already been throughly fucked with by a thousand other things, including probably the fact that these sort of books are what I mostly read growing up.. *laughs* but yeah. Just finished off "Little Women", am now re-reading "Anne of Green Gables", cos it's been *so* long... and books like this? you truly never do outgrow. "Little Women" just.. I don't know. Partly, it's that I know so much about Louisa May Alcott, thanks to a rather thorough first research paper in fifth grade and little-me devouring every one of her books I could find about that time, so I know how much of the story is true.. but just, I don't know. There's a charm to it.. silly as that sounds, there is, and there are so many little day-to-day sorts of truths all through it, though it's set over a hundred years ago I identify so well with Jo's ambition and Amy's artistic frustrations and Meg's motherly yearnings.. and then Professor Bhaer calling Jo "heart's dearest"... I friggin' *swooned* over the book, that killed me and I don't know why. *has to laugh* damnit I'm getting sentimental in my old age.. :p

But yeah, it's been a rather angsty day. Erin and Erica just told us within the past few days that they're not staying here after next semester, both're going home and leaving college; not long before that, Haruna talked to me about the possiblity of her living off-campus next semester with a friend. So... yeah. That's led to.. well, with Haruna and Erica, it makes sense, they have their (very good) reasons and we're..well, not glad to see them go, by any means! but, y'know, we're fine, we hope it works out for them and think that it will. With Erin, her not having been here so often this year, and just... I don't know. Not that I neccesarily agree with all the extremes Britt will go to, but I see her point - it *has* felt that Erin's been at a distance from the rest of us this semester, and it kinda hurts. I don't know. But with her, it came outta nowhere, and just sprung it on Britt, who was coming back late and dreadfully sick. So Britt's been upset, understandably - it hurts when a roomate tells you they're leaving you, and they can have their reasons and you'll say it's okay..but then you still can't help but wonder if they just didn't really like you as a roomate. And Erin's been our friend, and just.. I think what hurt, too, was not being let in on any discussion of it, she just said, yeah, I'm not gonna be here next semester, and we're like, wait, what? so I don't know...
Then I had issues with friggin' ResNet, they called and said I had a virus. I said I scanned my system, I'd had some things in quarentine (namely, the friggin' ronoper worm that I've gotten time and again from THEIR fecking network!!!!!) but I deleted them (not that they were active or doing *any* harm anyway), I'd taken care of it. They said they still had to send someone over to verify it. So I'm like alright, fine, you woke me up way too early, but whatever. So this girl comes over, and she was nice and cool and all, that was fine, but like.. I dunno. I was trying not to like, look over her shoulder or anything but I kept an eye on what she was doing.. cos hi, this is MY computer and I don't like people messing with it. It's my Lawrence and I'm protective of my baby. *cuddles* So, I dunno, she went thru the registry and some other stuff, then she's trying to set up a scheduled scan in Norton and the program got hung-up, there's some random glitch in the shell so I told her yeah, just go to my computer, right-click and do it from there... then not long after, she's in add/remove programs trying to kill my norton and it gets hung-up partway through. Apparently I had two versions of Norton on here? which I was utterly unaware of, I shouldn't have two, I don't think.. anyway, she was trying to get rid of one and it didn't let her, so she tried to get rid of the other or whatever, it got hung up, and I had to get to class. She said she'd have to have them reschedule with me, cos she hadn't scanned the system. I asked what she was gonna scan it with, and she said Norton.
Uhm, HI, I scanned it EARLIER THAT MORNING and it was CLEAN. gah. not, of course, that they can believe me..but, wait, if they picked up the virus from their end to begin with, can't they also see that it's gone??
anyway, yeah, so this tiny fragment of norton is sitting here on my computer, and there's nothing in add/remove programs that I can do anything with cos it's gone from there and start menu and everything, tho there's still enough to run realtime protection. so I don't even know what I should do with it at the moment.. and it looks like someone from resnet and I get to waste an hour and a half of *their* time *and* mine, cos it takes 90 minutes to run a virusscan on my entire system. :p

Anyway... so while this is going on, Erica goes in to talk to Britt, mostly about the Erin-thing, which Britt's still kinda upset about. And gradually... it turns into an argument, Erica starts defending Erin (..which I just realised is a little odd, seeing as Erica's been the one saying she hasn't felt like she really knows Erin at all cos of her being gone every weekend), Britt starts defending herself... and ohhhh my goodness. I don't even know how long it went on, over an hour, anyway, they were out in the common room and, this being Britt and Erica, I (and the resnet girl) could hear *every* word clear as anything. So... I don't even know. Eventually it wound into Erica accusing Britt of being two-faced and unfair and all this, Britt trying to defend herself.. and it was just a mess, they were getting nowhere. Jen was out there too, she made one little comment at some point... I had to stay in the room with resnet girl..not that I could've helped anything at that point anyway. Derick, our slacker-RA, popped in and tried to arbitrate, but that got nowhere, as I knew it wouldn't - they weren't about to go thru and explain it all to him, they knew it was better to just deal it out between themselves.

So, off I go to class finally, tried to get the guts and again failed to talk to cuteboy in psych.. tho I saw him when I was down at the willic for lunch and he was *cute* cos one of the cashier-ladies stopped him to look at one of the things 'round his neck, and he smiled and laughed and he's cute anyway but when he smiles he's sooo pretty. ^_^ So that was just cute and happy. Went to band, wheefun, our German grad student guest conducter dude (I would use his name but I haven't the faintest how to spell it, I don't think I could *say* it right for that matter) was all cute and concerned about prof. Schnieder cos he's been sick and all.. I sit right up front so I hear everything they say, it was cute. *giggles* anyway..

I walk back to the dorm, all happy despite being tired, cos it was *gorgeous* out - dark, but not entirely yet, the sky navy blue above fading into a warm cerulean and emerald.. the warm golden lights lining the walkways lit the water lining yellow leaves at the top of a tree... it was beautiful. And I had on an awesome remix of "Mysterious Ways" so it was all good.

I'm walking down the sidewalk to our door, and someone's sitting out on the wall - not unusual, esp. on a nice night like this. And I look over but didn't recognise them--- 'til Britty yelled my name and then I felt like a moron. *laughs* But it was dark! and I dunno, I didn't--- I have issues. *giggles*
So I went over to talk to her... and she was really, *really* upset. Britty never cries.. and she was crying. She didn't want to go back inside, what Erica had said to her really cut deep.. and she couldn't talk to Erin, not yet.. (Erin had left hours earlier anyway, we didn't know when she was coming back..still don't, she's still not here, and we've heard nothing, we assume she went home but.. she didn't tell *any* of us where she was going, so we're naturally all a little worried.) So I hopped up on the wall beside Britt, and listened, and just put an arm around her and tried to help... what it is, so far as I can tell, is just that both Britt and Erica and very outspoken people, but their.. I don't know, just the way they go through life is very different. Both are passionate, but Britt in a much more dramatic sense, Erica in a more down-to-earth one. So Erica's *gonna* see Britt as going to too many extremes.. and, I don't know. There are a lot of things that played into everything that came up, and it's not that one's right and the other wrong, just that they look at things differently, and see and show friendship in different ways.
Britt and I sat on the wall for a good while, probably a half an hour or so, a little more, I dunno.. and conversation managed to wander all the way to how fascinating polytheism can be. *laughs* But then tank-top-clad-me was coooold, so we went in.

And my internet was STILL out, as it had been since about 11am. I suspected at first that it'd been resnet, but the girl didn't seem to know anything about it.. and, poking about, I discovered that whether it was my cord or Haruna's, whichever was plugged into the bottom socket-thing on the wall, wouldn't work. So we figured we'd just pop a splitter into the top one, and we'd be all set.
Only the one plugged into the *bottom* of the splitter works.
>_<
Don't ask me what the hell *that* means - if I knew, I would no longer be stressing over it cos I'd've FIXED the bloody thing. I haven't the faintest fucking clue.
So while resnet is running a friggin' virus-scan on my computer, they can be productive and figure THAT out. (Not that I think they'll be able to, Oliver--- but you don't know his name yet. ^____^ One moment, I'll finish that thought.)

Thus, I called Megs, who was, as I had guessed, beginning to get worried. *g* We talked for awhile, which was nice as always. EIGHT DAYS!!!!!!!! til she's here! ^_________^

Then she went to go get dinner, and I did the same, heading out to WilliC alone with my cd player and happyU2ness. <3
So I'm heading down the stairs.. and there's someone just behind me. They're in mostly-dark clothes, so I wonder idly if it's cuteboy. I go in the door, and hold it for them, as I usually do.. and from the corner of my eye, I realise - dude, I think it *is* him! So I look a little better at him through the second set of doors, and I'm pretty sure but it was still too quick and I wasn't *positive*... also, my brain was spinning too fast and I had nothing to say besides a generic "hey".
Thus, I said nothing, and was kickingg myself... he walked a little faster than I, and got to the sub-line first...where I was also definitely headed - I was in definite need of a chicken finger sub by this point.
The line was *long*, about a good five-minute wait or so.
And cuteboy was RIGHT in front of me.
Hit pause on the cd player.
Got into line, and actually managed to speak in his direction: "gah. I thought it was late enough there wouldn't be such a line.."
And he turned around and made some comment of agreement.
And then we're standing there, and there's that tenseness in the air of both wanting to say something, knowing something *should* be said, but not knowing what and/or not being able to say it.
Amazingly, I had something else to say.
"So, *you* looked conscious in psych today."
He hadn't quite heard me, he bent his head and asked what? so I repeated.
"You're in my psych class?" "Yeah.. I sat like, two seats over from you today.." "Yeah, I was just really tired." "I happened to glance over after the break and you still had your head down, I was sitting there wondering, 'should I like, poke him or something and make sure he's still awake?'" and I laughed and he laughed... and we chatted about class a little, and he asked if I had aim, said I did, asked my screenname. ^___^ which I gave him, again having to repeat, adding by way of explanation that "it's a u2-thing, sort of" and he said that it'd be easy enough to remember. I said yeah, I'm finally back online, I had issues with resnet today cos they said I had a virus when I didn't.. "they don't know anything about their own system - I called them to ask what their settings were, and they didn't even know."
So he *IS* a computer-geek boy. This makes me happy. ^_^
Then we were up to order, so we got food and split up and left... and I *ran* up the stairs, not quite managing to keep from laughing happily aloud. I BOUNCED into Britty's room and SPAZZED. "OMG BRITTANY *I TALKED TO CUTEBOY*!!!!!" *laughs*
And it's soooo sad, I've been wanting to talk to this guy for like, half a semester now, and've only *just* managed it... *giggles* I'm such an antisocial moron.
Also, it occurs to me that I told him the link to my site's in my profile.. he could be reading this now. Uh, if so, my apologies.. I didn't know your name, so I had to come up with something. *laughs*
Haruna was a dear and let me use the internet connection - since it seems for the moment we only have *one* to share between two computers. 9__9 So I got on aim, and SPAZZED to Megs...
And I got an im from a new screenname.
And I *knew* right away who it was, cos raichu was in the sn and I've seen him with either a pikachu or raichu like, keychain or something before.. that, and no-one randomly gets my sn, it's not posted anywhere, so I only ever get IMed by people I know.
So he asked me my name, and I told him, and asked him his.
His name is Oliver.
*Utterly* unexpected, but cute. And it works, interestingly enough. *laughs* *is putting way too much thought into everything, as usual* I dunno, anyway..
And we just chatted on aim for awhile, it was really cool. I do in fact apparently have things in common with this kid, which bodes well. Cos like half my friends here are leaving me, I need to meet people. Uhh, badly. -_-;;; Somehow, my guess that he's a freshman was right, but yeah, like, he draws, he's got some stuff up on deviantart, which I've poked around a number of times.. (and from what he linked me to, I found his mainpage there, and discovered about half his stuff is girlfriend-related..so NO TRYING TO HOOK 'NANDA UP KTHX) And we both still play and enjoy pokemon, and will admit to it, he uses the happy lil anime-style smilies as well.. and *dude* the boy uses italics and capitalisation and punctuation on aim!!! *astounded* I didn't know guys were capable of that... *g*
And we both have dads who like to try to annoy us via the various means of online communication. :p
^_^
So yay. I have someone to talk to in psych! ^_^ ..and I *finally* learnt this kid's name, and talked to him. *giggles* *feels all accomplished*

So, yeah. There was all this, and it was good. Played DDR for like half an hour, an hour, cos I could, and had new songs, and it rocked.
Then, someone in suite 205 next to us is knocking and knocking and knooocking at their door and it's a little annoying, I hear Britt, who's working on a paper, go down and ask nicely if they'd please keep it down.
And the girl BLEW *UP* at her!
And it was bad, I could tell Britt was trying to stay calm but she was gradually loosing it---
Luckily, RA Meghan came to the rescue, and was awesome and calmed things down. And.. I don't even know, it was just *stupid*, this girl--- I won't even get into it, there was a lot of misunderstanding and whatever, but Meghan came down to Britt's room and talked with Britt and Katie and Christina and I, and we just got out a lot of our frustrations with this year, and basically just said that all we'd like is a little respect now and again, we've done nothing to these girls and we get trampled on. So, I don't know, she said she'd talk with them, and whatever, and just, yeah.
The four of us stayed and talked a little longer, then Katie and Christina left, I stayed with Britt another minute.. she's talked with Erica and they've settled things calmly and are on good terms again, though Britt's still hurting a bit from what was said.. but that's more her being upset with herself than Erica at this point. Erin, we'd heard nothing of..
Meghan came back down, and said the girl'd calmed down now, and persuaded Britt to come down and talk with her and just smooth things over - Britt didn't want to, but went along with it, I asked if she wanted me to come with and she said yeah.. so I went. And it almost got nasty again a couple of moments, but things stayed under control, and actually? came out good in the end, I think it patched over really well, we saw where the misunderstandings lay and.. yeah. Meghan said she's going to have a meeting with our two suites, just to talk things over and end this pointless feud between the suites and just try to establish some ground of respect and honesty between the two sides. Cos, really, it's just been silly little things all year that've just nettled either side, and, whatever.

Came back from that, talked with Britt another few minutes, then curled up to read awhile. Then Haruna went to take a shower and was done online so I borrowed the connection back again to post.

So.. I'm tired. Shouldn't've stayed up this late, but figured I oughta blog.. and also let y'all know that my aim presence will be sporadic 'til I get this internet-thing sorted out here. So don't worry, I'm still here.. just that my Lawrence's output has been severly limited for the moment. *pouts*
'night all...

*Ananda Daydream * 2:41 AM * (0) stars grow bright *

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