...now there's something that fucks with your head...going to sleep when it's dark...getting back up and it's dark again...damn daylight-savings time... ...fell asleep somewhere around 4am, I'm guessing...woke up about noonish, watched Dangermouse and the Rainbow Brite movie..felt a little better...then fell back asleep, to dreams that weren't really so bad, but had unsettling aspects in them that're bothering me now...woke up again about 4.30, got up, it's all dark out again.....think I missed going out with Britty and Laura, too, which's also bad.....talking with Dionys on aim..which's good..we're in about the same sort of mood, it seems..but this doesn't really help lift this mood any.....
..that, and..*sighs*...Laurel, I wish you were here about now.....

 
Fuck it.

Sheer brilliance, 'nanda-dear.
Buy yerself a can of chicken noodle soup...get up a healthy craving for it...

And have a nice can, a bowl, a microwave, water...but no fucking can opener.

*sighs, digs pocketknife out of closet, sits down on the floor to wrestle the damn thing*

..and then, coming onto blogger's main page, glance over the list of updated blogs..one called "Holy Scriptures". ..try it, thinking maybe there'll be something there I could use about now...
*sighs darkly*
...
"How long to sing this song?" ( - "40", U2)

 
...I really should have gone to bed long ago..I'm still sick, and so very, very tired...but one last comment for the evening.

How is Blake's ezjournal always so cheery? ...and Dionysos' is always so dark.....Apollo and Dionysos indeed..
(How d'you think D got his codename? ...one of the websites I was on described Dionysos as being the complete opposite of Apollo..Apollo is an old nickname of Blake's.....true, tho....and that's what makes it all the stranger, that I'm drawn to both of them...opposite tho they are, each of them is a part of me, each has a different side of me.....)

*going off to curl up in bed, imagining one of her Larrys' strong arms wrapped around her, holding her close*.....

 
*laughs* ..and now The Church's "Under the Milky Way", to calm me a little...*smiles*...

"Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find...

And it's something quite peculiar...
Leads you here despite your destination
Under the Milky Way tonight..."

 
"Is it all just wasted time?
can you live with yourself when you think of what you've left behind?.."
- "Wasted Time", Skidrow

^ just randomly came up in WinAmp..but it's become one of those nights...Dionysos (yes, time for new code-names..yes, I know, it's largely pointless, but I don't care. 's my blog. *g*) has been..monosyllabic on aim tonight...and while yeah, he's probably just talking to other people, and I know he's been sick and everything else...but still... ..and then what happens but The Gloria Record comes up on WinAmp right then. Damnit.
*sighs*
...why do I always get like this? cos I do. I never mean to..never want to..but then I do, and I stay down here...the littlest, tiniest thing will set me off..when I know it shouldn't at all.....ran into him twice today on my own, talked a little bit, which was really cool..

"Where the good times gone?
know it's stupid but
all the shit we've done
where the good times gone
well I still don't know.." ( - "Where the Good Times Gone", Nickelback)
(..how does my winamp always know just what to play for me?)

*thinking for awhile*
...I think I might have it...it's that I really *do* take people's opinions of me to heart...what they think of me is so very important.....with a lot of people, it doesn't matter, I really don't care that much..I mean, all thru high school, I wore whatever I wanted to, I didn't care what anyone else thought..hell, I carried a Monkees lunchbox around for a year or two!!! *laughs* ...but...one flute lesson where I knew I hadn't done my best, and my teacher was disappointed in me...one failed math quiz...one critique of my singing...Laurel, I know exactly how you feel with Mrs. Westby this year, being scared of her...I was too...thinking back.....that's the thing, keep in mind, my opinions of her and everything else, are me looking back at it all...and I *did* learn some incredible things in that class, it was wonderful...but there *were* a lot of days where I simply and completely did not want to go to english class. Didn't. ...was scared to death of the Westby-glare, of her disapproval, I still hadn't filled out any college applications or whatever...we were all scared of her...and yeah, we laugh about the Westby-glare and all now...but it wasn't so funny then, some days...I totally understand where you're at...except for you I'm sure it's worse, cos you *are* a writer...(I am on occasion, but only now and then, I think..and even then..*shrugs*..I dunno..)..
But getting back to where I'd started this...certain people's opinions *do* matter to me, *ever* so much...I'm always so anxious to hear what Daf and Laur and Mom and Megs think of a story or a drawing...I want them to like it...there was some quote somewhere, can't remember it exactly, but something about an artist always having to do the opposite of what the public thinks it wants...but you want your work...yourself...to be liked, so very much.....this is why I'm trying to get better with telling people, just how great I think their drawings or websites or whatever are...cos I know where they are.....extend that, and this's (partly) why I tell people now, a lot more than I did before, just how much they mean to me...because I know it's important...cos I've had so many days where I felt so alone.....and it's only because of my friends that I've been able to get back up out...

"I need the crowd..." ( - Bono, in the middle of live versions of "Electric Co.")

...so.....when Blake kept having to run off whenever I started talking to him on aim..then his away message said he was hanging out in some girl's room...it hurt.....Dionysos turned us down last night, saying he had to stay in and study, etc. etc...later last night, his away messages said he was watching a movie with these two girls..then something about a sleepover.....
*sighs*
..but they're such *little* things, and even *I* can easily explain them away...yet there's this little shadow creeping in...

"Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when you shoved it in my face
explain again to me..."
( - "Blurry", Puddle of Mudd)

...why does it all get to me?..it shouldn't.....and not just with those two either, obviously...when Daf happily chatters away about getting to come visit Fredonia during open house, and I only just heard about this possiblity last time I talked with Calypso..and getting to see me's only a side-note...Daffy, Calypso, I'm sorry, I don't mean it like that..I've no idea how hard it is for the two of you to be apart..you've every right to spend time together, you really do...I'm not attacking you guys at all, I'm just saying.....but Daffy, we've been through all this before, you and me and Laurel.....I'm sorry, it's just..one of those nights...
*sighs again*
...I was gonna say something relevant and meanful here tonight for once...yeah, right.....meh.

Music is one of the strongest forces in this world.

...
*smiles slightly*...I love my winamp.....

"Oh come back above
where there is only love...

Let me love you true
Let me rescue you
Let me bring you to where two roads meet..."
( - "The Ground Beneath Her Feet"; lyrics by Salman Rushdie, music and performance by U2)

 
My jaw nearly hit the floor when I read Piro's latest rant on megatokyo...he was laid off at work, and so...
..is now gonna try to do megatokyo full-time.
Which is absolutely *awesome*...as well as insane.
*wishes Piro-san the very best of luck* ^_^

...on a more frustrating note, however...stupid courts are *still* hunting down file-sharing systems...blah. ...hadn't even heard of madster before, but they're being made to keep track of all the files being shared through their system. *sad sigh*
...from the research I did for school last year, I know KaZaA/Grokster/Morpheus is pretty much safe still, there's no central server to it and all...but still...blahhhhh.....the numbers *showed* that record sales went *up* with Napster, wtf are these stupid people thinking?! gah.

 
..so who says cosplay's a bad thing? *drools* *g* (yay for pretty-boy cosplaying. ^_~)

Mmmm..so, yay for Hallowe'en.

And happy birthday, Larry-kun! ^_^

Dressed up as Mackie again (tho sans the pain-inducing earrings, which are still at home..and my hair wasn't nearly as flat as last year *g*)...great fun, as always. (I miss the Mackie-face already, and I only washed it off like, ten minutes ago! ;_; )
Oh, and this morning, I was Larry (tho less obviously). Jeans (the somewhat tighter ones that I have *laughs*), white sleeveless shirt, denim jacket with U2 pins on it and the collar turned up, and drumsticks in my back pocket. Yay. ^____^ (I am *SUCH* an obsessed dork. w007! ^_^)
So, yeah. We *tried* to go out trick-or-treating...but, Fredonia? is *stupid*. Holy crap. Not only is it illegal (I guess..here..) to trick-or-treat past the age of 16, but you're *also* not supposed to be out past 7-frickin'-30!!! >_<# *SO* stupid. So, yeah. Two college students (and a third wandering in the background) out trick-or-treating at about 8.30pm. ...there weren't a whole lotta lights on...but the first few houses we tried were rather nice. Then we got onto another street..and we were informed of the crazy-early curfew. (We'd heard like, 8, 8.30 from a few random people on campus, but nothing positive, y'know?) Got a warning or two that we could get in trouble.
Then there was this one kid, I dunno, maybe 13 or so? Gave us kind of an odd look. "Are you college students?" Britty: "Yeahh..." Me: "Shh!" ^^;;;
*sighs* Very, very sad...fuck this, I'm *SO* coming home for Hallowe'en next year!!! ^_^ (It'll be a Friday night...Daf and Laur, you guys wanna come back too? *g*)
But yeah. So, Britty was a mummy ("with a purse" *g*..had a bit of a time trying to, y'know, *walk*, but..*g*), Laura a vampire..Katie was..what, mistress of the dead or something to that effect...and Josh didn't dress up at all. *tear* ...didn't come out at all tonight, either..we stopped by, but he's got a megamake-up test tomorrow he really had to study for, so.. :(
*sighs*
But my pumpkin looks really cool. (Has the Mackie-face-logo from the Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me vid. ^_^) And we *did* get some candy, anyway...and I got a bunch of compliments on my costume and all today, so that's always cool. *g* (My 2d design teacher: "Red is *definitely* your colour, you should wear it all the time!" Me: *thinking* 'That's only cos my face is painted red and white and black, dork..bright red is *not* my colour at *all*!' My art history teacher, who doesn't usually walk up to and talk with students, came up to me during the break today, complimented my costume and all: "Now, are you a theater major, that you knew how to do all that [face paint], or..?" "No, no..I just..do it a lot.." *g* Yay. ....oooooo...Megs? can I borrow the lemon for a bit? ..maybe I could get a job doing Mackie's make-up on tour....*melts*)
*yawns* Too impossibly tired, tho...bleh. stupid, stupid cold...

 
Go here.

Yay Hallowe'en. ^_^

(And I realised I *totally* had the link wrong before..darnit..mehhhh...so those of you whom I got already..it didn't count you, I think. *cries* ...so, everyone else, go. ^_^)

 
Oh dearie me.
Apologies, again...have been alternately busy and/or not in the mood to update...meh. Sorry...

Yeah. So, what all's happened since I last updated? ..hrm...
Merani-chan came down for a visit, that was *awesome*. Great fun. Yay. (Now, she's IMing and harassing all my friends *here*, too! *rolling eyes, grinning*)
Uhhmmmm...Laura and I hung out at Josh's for *hours* one night, ended up cutting his hair for him, which was just fun. *g* ...have hung out there one or two other times since...have hung out with people...spent this past weekend completely vegging...Matantis' been back home since a day or so after all that *points down to prior entries*, not that anything really got solved, but it's been shoved under the rug to lurk again for awhile, I guess...have been on a major 80s cartoon kick, managed to download episodes of the following: Danger Mouse (w007! *best* cartoon *ever* ^_^), Rainbow Brite (yay!), My Little Pony, David the Gnome, Smurfs, Care Bears, and Fraggle Rock (which isn't a cartoon, but close enough *g*).
I currently am *sick*. Damn cold. Hate it. Especially since tomorrow's Hallowe'en! *and* Larry's birthday!!! *cries*
*sigh*
Ah well...maybe I'll be feeling better by then...