One of the first nights Brian was over here this break, and I was over talking to the guys..merani-chan played this song..and looking at Bri (who *has* got a codename..but I've forgotten it, will have to find it again -_-;; )..it fit... I don't know who it's originally by, I'm getting conflicting results on KaZaA..I have at least five different versions of it, tho. ^_^
Definitely my song for the past week or so (except for the "turn and run away" bit, that is *g*).

Send Me an Angel

Do you believe in heaven above
Do you believe in love
Don't tell me a lie
Don't be false or untrue
It all comes back to you

Open fire on my burning heart
I've never been lucky in love
My defences are down
A kiss or a frown
I can't survive on my own

If a boy walks in
And carves his name in my heart
I'll turn and run away
Everyday we've all been led astray
It's hard to be lucky in love

It gets in your eyes
It's making you cry
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
Looking for love
Calling heaven above

Send me an angel
Right now

Empty dreams can only disappoint
In a room behind your smile
But don't give up, don't give up
You can be lucky in love.

 
No, no apologies or excuses for being gone a month..I just hadn't been in the mood for blogging, is what it comes down to. I don't know, it's just a thing. ..that, and I didn't feel like doing all that catch-up..nor do I, yet. That one entry, I might finish one of these days..but I'm not gonna sit here and do a month of catch-up. Those who know me, well..you know what's gone on. *smiles*

I'm at home on Christmas break, so updates may be pretty sporadic still..as I said, I tend to feel a bit..smaller..here.....

 
I remember one time when I was little, there was a concert being shown on tv or something. And I told Mom how I thought watching it on tv had to be so much better, cos you could see everything up close and all, and the sound was good, and everything.
And Mom told me, no, no, it's definitely better being there...and I didn't get it, at the time.

I know now, tho, just how much better it is being there...yeah, with tv, granted, you get some beautiful images..you can tape it, and watch it again and again..but you don't get the trill of *being there*, of locking gazes with the singer for half a second, or just watching the drummer through a whole song..the band really *there*, right in front of you..

I was trying to figure out why that just came to mind..and I'm still not really sure, but..thinking about it...
It's like what I've realised after talking with Brian.. He's very adamant about going out ad *doing* things, experiencing them for yourself..that's what he wants to do. (And what he does.) And I'm the same, in a way..only..I've never gone out and *done* things. Growing up, I read a lot..now, I go around online, and read, and listen to people talking, and absorb things..but how much have I actually *done*, experienced for myself? I do'nt know why I don't. Part of it, I know, is being home. For some reason, when I'm back here...I get a lot *smaller*. It's hard to explain, but, like..when I'm at college, or even when I'd be at school, everything and anything seemed possible sometimes, there was a whole world out there, and I can do whatever I chose to do. But when I'm home..I dunno. I'm just kinda..*here*, y'know? and I'm content, in a way, complacent really I guess is the word. So, I'm fine, but then..I sit here too long, and I get pissed off at myself, cos what've I *done*?
And Zinni? I don't know if you'll see this anytime soon, but...maybe this is like what it is with you, too? you enjoy other people's romances, you really *are* a romantic at heart, I think..but, you don't consciuosly want it for yourself. I understand it, I think...can't explain it, or help, but I understand it, maybe..
Cos with me..I don't know. I want to experience things..but I'm reluctant to go out and *do* them, especially on my own..usually, I need to be dragged into things.
I shouldn't be like that..I've gotta learn to stand on my own again. I have the ability to, I know..just takes a bit of effort.