*sigh*...s'pose I should go thru some of today (err, yesterday), at least...went out to the movies (more on Topaz Meanderings) with a few friends, inc. Blake...and I made sure I got to sit next to him...and.....as we sat there and the lights dimmed, I almost started getting shakey...it was strange, that hadn't really happened in awhile...*sigh*, no, but it has, not outright shaking, but that inner nervousness, that's not quite nervousness, but that combined with hope, anticipation...whatever that is. (Yet another thing there's no word for...)
...and over and over, I thought about just taking his hand, or something, but...*sigh*...as usual, I didn't. We made fun of some of the stuff in the movie, griped about lameness (it was an Adam Sandler flick, whaddya want?..I'm sorry, haven't much use for him...neither does Blake), etc...
(Oh, but what was *really* terrible for me? ...Blake was the name of the huge company the guy was inheriting in the movie--! o_O;;;)
But yeah. I mean...in my daydream, it's all so easy and wonderful...and then I get there in real-life...and it *would* be so easy, he's always using both armrests, on either side of him, all I'd have to do is set my arm next to his, and...(I've known he does this, I'd planned on that, knew it, daydreamed it that way)...and I thought about it...argued with myself...but then, took the *real* easy way out..and didn't do a thing. As always. I just...damnit! What should I do? ....I don't know...I don't know at all...because I'd thought I'd gotten over him, for the most part...but now, it feels stronger than ever...and that's why I won't *do* anything, because I care about him so much, I don't want to make him uncomfortable or put him in any sort of situation where he's in any sort of this anguish...I don't want to do that to him.
'Course, then, what if he's thinking the same as I am? What if *he's* not sure, and is waiting...
...but I've *done* my part...at least more'n he has...
...damnit! *Why* am I putting myself thru this *again*?! Three times, I've done this, told him how I felt and gone thru all this aftermath. And all three times, he's given the same sort of answer...granted, this year was a little different, but still... ...but it *was* different... ...but...
*head about to explode*
...too much for 4am...going to bed now.....got Shelley's grad party tomorrow, I don't *especially* want to go, tho I will, Heather etc. will be there...but I don't know how long I want to stay...I don't think I want to be at a Shelley-party for that long...
(..and Blake will undoubtedly be there at some point, at least for awhile...and I *do* want to be there when he is.....)

"Dear Diary, what is wrong with me?..." -"Dear Diary", Travis

 
*No!* They can't..wha.....aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!
..I *hate* character-death.
;_;

 
Hrm. ...I think one of the interesting things about X-1999 is the relationships between the opposing sides. I mean, the Seven Seals and the Seven Angels are destined to fight each other, are (im?)mortal enemies. And yet...here are Yuto and Aoki, having this nice, friendly little chat. Then you look to, say, Yuzuriha and Kusanagi, who became such fast friends and all... And then of course there's Kamui and Fuma, but that's another story entirely, I think... ^^;
But yeah, they're really, complete enemies, one group trying to save civilization, the other trying to destroy it...but, as people, they're not so different after all...
And then, too, there's all the religious imagery in the thing...but I don't know, it's odd, somehow..the way it's all woven in, it's integral to the story and the mood, and yet, it's not like it's *pushing* anything at all, I don't think...
...still intrigued with the super-computer called "Beast"...that..wow..was a *great* idea...
...
...I feel like such a lame dork, X is such a *huge* series..and I'm only just getting into it...*sigh*...ways to go before otaku yet...
~_^

 
...is there a word for that overflow of emotion, where you feel so impossibly full of joy, or of sadness, or even just something completely undescribable, that your heart feels like it's breaking?...
...like the bridge in U2's "Until the End of the World", or the transition from "Peace on Earth" into "Walk On"...
...Macphisto singing "Love is Blindness"...
...like T.S. Eliot's poems...
...feeling completely alone...
...a warm summer day, sun shining through leaves overhead...
...being with friends who truly love you, and that you love so very dearly...
...a scene in X-1999 just pulled one of those on me (note: not the first!)...and I just wonder if there's a word for it...
(..would come in handy in my "Until the End of the World" fanfic, too...which I oughta work on again...haven't been in the mood for it, tho...)

 
Ahhh...*contented sigh* Added nice new random thing on here, just to let the world at large know what's capturing the attention of my brain at the moment. ^_^
..'course, to *do* that, not only did I have to mess in photoshop for awhile, but had to re-d/n my fav filters for photoshop...then d/n frontpage cos I was *not* about to look for the office xp cd again (spent *forever* looking for it last time!)..nor am I about to try to figure out link-mapping on my own. Nuh-uh. Not when frontpage will do it for me. ^_^
Watched the first few episodes of "Love Hina", it's pretty good...actually made me laugh outloud, which's rare. ^_^ (And I *like* having an artist-boy as a main character..he's always carrying a sketchbook around with him...sounds familiar, ne? *smile*)
Currently watching X-1999 (sadly, will prolly finish the series tonight..or, at least, what I have of it..*sniffle*...I don't want it to end!...need...mangas....).
And wishing there was something good to eat somewhere in the house... x_x;

 
...have I ever mentioned how very *not* L337 my mouse is? Have a pretty l337 cpu system, one of the fastest out there etc...
But the mouse is 3\/1L.
And not even 3\/1L l337, just 3\/1L.
Not only is it lacking the ever-so-cool scrolling-thing, it's demon-possessed.
It seems to derive a perverse sort of pleasure from randomly doing whatever it pleases on my screen (this includes opening and closing things on its smallest whim, and refusing to move at all, until unplugged and replugged into the main tower, which involves me crawling under the desk and twisting my arm into entirely unnatural positions).

And yes, I have read *far* too much megatokyo tonight.
...
...carp. Dad's gonna be up soon...'nite!
^_^

 
*pointing to time-indicator on post* YAY for summer vacation. ^_^

..tho y'know it's kinda getting sad when you find yourself unable to go to bed before reading that day's comic on a website..and they update about 1, sometimes 2am. And you see it within a half an hour of its being put up. ^^;;
(This has been my situation for the past..oh, week or so? oO; ...but meanwhile...poor, poor Cya! ;_;)
...
(...I wanna hear Cya sing...
...
^^; ..gomen-nasi...I seem to have a hang-up with singers..and guys who aren't supposed to be singing - like drummers - singing. Like Larry. I honestly have probably five to ten files of him singing. He's the drummer. He only sang occasionally on one tour, about ten years ago. His repretoire consisted of three traditional Irish drinking songs. I have multiple versions of all. ^^;;;)

Basta...I should go before I get any stranger (like this's possible??)...actually, I should go before Dad gets up or summat..it *is* Friday, and if he's going to work today, he should be up in..oh, lessee...bit over half-an-hour.
Wow.
...
..I wanna go read mangas. ^_^ (And possibly work on Lemonation, my sad excuse for one..oO;)

 
Wow. Have spent the past few hours...yeah. Reading web-comics. -_-;; (Specifically: megatokyo, Mac Hall, Beta the Strip, Just Weird, and Angel Moxie. I don't even know how or why I land on these..tho most are mentioned on megatokyo, I think..and then I wander from there. ^_^)
But, they're fun. And the artwork gives me ideas...(which YES, is a GOOD thing!...XP ...look, I wanna finish Lemonation *some* day!)..

And Heather'd kill me for plugging this, but I don't care. The first panel makes a very good point. ^~_~^
^_^
(I'm sorry, I s'pose it may not be fair to always hold other drummers up to the high standard of Larry Mullen's drumming skills...^_^)

(Besides, Heather is not l337. Thus, I don't think she'll ever get here. And even if she does, I have *far* too much blackmail to ever run out of ideas...^~_~^)

 
...been rather immersed in anime lately, Daf and I had our Esca-thon the other night, watched the entire series of Vision of Escaflowne...which reminds me, I need to send an e-mail...this site is like..I don't even know, I couldn't live without it. ^_^ (Let's see *you* try to get thru an episode of Esca in Japanese, with only French subtitles!!! ..we found partial scripts, and I knew the general gist of the episode and bits of Japanese, while Daf could get some of the French...escaflowneonline was down, or something, we couldn't get to it, and it was terrible..*shuddering at the memory*...but then it was suddenly back. And the people rejoiced. ^_^)
(..dude...beginning to feel like a bit of an otaku...very odd....*g*)

Still placidly making my way thru megatokyo...and he did a MT/Bloom County strip!!! ^_^ ..*so* cool. ...Piro's rant on this page is also very good..long, but good. (YAY for Calvin and Hobbes! ^_^)

..meanwhile...I should *so* get back to putting up worthwhile things on here..I really should...but haven't had much to say lately...it's definitely summer, been busy relaxing, watching Batman and music vids and anime...just downloaded a bunch of new (for me!) Luna Sea songs, which makes me happy, am currently trying to d/n eps of like, five different anime series...*contented sigh*

Watched X-1999 all afternoon...that series is just...*incredible*, it really is...

 
Oh *man*...there're even more layer blending options!!!
...
O_O
...
^_^

 
Dude..it's *awesome*! ...don't know if I'm even gonna want or need to go out and find additional filters, this's got enough to keep me goin' for... .... ...wow.... It's largely the same as version 6.0.1, which I had before, but layout's a bit nicer looking, and there's a TON more paint brushes, and this nice "liquify" feature that looks to be *great* fun for distorting things, lotsa options there...there's also a few new tools that I've got to figure out at some point...
Uber-shibby.
^_^

 
I just downloaded and installed Adobe Photoshop 7.0.
*jaw drops, eyes bug out*
(Sadly, that's what actually happened when I opened this program..^^;;)
It...is *incredibly* *frickin'* *SWEET*.
*off to go play for a few hours*
*grinning like a psyhopath in anticipation

 
I...
...am listening to j-pop.
...
O_O;;;
...
...it's the heat, must be the heat---!
*g*
..meanwhile, I learned a new Spanish word today! ^_^ mocosas, which means "brats" or "snotty ones". (YAY for BMB! *smile* ..and poor drummer Cya...he's been suffering lately, I feel so bad...*sniffle*...he's the one who taught me new spanish. ^_^)

 

<3 Tay....*squee*. ^_^ (The only guy on the planet who rivals Lar as prettiest....*g*)

 


Find your Realm of Influence at SailorOrion.com


"The goal is soul..." ~Bono, of course. ^_^

Rhonda's back!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^ ..'course, now I hve to re-install frickin' *everything*, *again*...I *just did this!!!!!* ..blah. Ah well. She's back, so it's all good. ^_^

 
*Finally* got an actual drawing up over on Desert Songs!!!! ..it's seriously, like, the hottest Lar I've ever drawn....go see! ^_^
(He's in Artwork, under Drawings..easy enough, right?)

 


What kind of ANGEL are you?
Quiz made by Angela

Aww..angels! *smile*
*yawn*..am tired...two grad parties yesterday, had thought I was only going to one and would be home before supper...ended up going to two and not getting home 'til nearly 1am! *laugh*
...but then I couldn't fall asleep 'til like, I don't even know, I heard birds outside, musta been after 4am... -__-;;; Combination of too much fake Mt. Dew and thinking too much, I think...daydreaming about Blake for hours on end.....I dunno...will (maybe) tell more later, but I've got Heather Smith's grad party this afternoon, gotta get over to Daf's and scan in the card I made tho - Larry came out a *little* too well for me to be able to part with yet--! ^_^;