***stardust

Why do I try to bring reason and sanity into people's inner turmoils? I can't even control mine some days, talk about a pretentious self-righteous moron.

(But then, if one isn't self-righteous, doesn't push what they feel is right..would you just float along with what everyone else says, no show of right or wrong?)

The worst bit of it is, I tend to get tangled up in things outside of, and usually far worse than, my own experience. So I *really* don't know what to do with it. But I don't know where these answers are coming from out of me, I just go with things, and it ends up sounding good and reasonable, it... I don't know. I guess all I do is look at the situation and try to piece together everyone's point of view on it, and put myself in their places and see what they see..but it's not just that, it's..I don't know. Extension of thought, I suppose, which also happens in my writing. I just try to get inside their head and see the world through their eyes..and the oddest thing about it is, that while sometimes I work at it, other times I don't and the words just come and somehow they work though I don't know where they come from... so maybe it is a Gift of sorts, and I should trust it more..goodness knows everyone else seems to trust it pretty well...

And I like being able to help, when I can, and I have to at least try... The worst of it, though, is when they don't seem to let you in, when you can't get through...because my heart's still tied up in it all, it's slipped out into their hand and they're clutching it still though they're unconscious, they're not at all aware of it anymore but the death-grip still holds fast.
And it hurts like hell but sometimes you've got to tear it away before it stops beating.

And now I'm probably being over-dramatic but the guy I'm supposedly dating is being dramatic, it's 2am, I have a dreadfully dramatic day ahead of me (with last-minute planning to carry out and confrontation and everything! such a splendid time for all..)

Great. And after near-on an hour of this, I have a nasty feeling he's just fucking with my head again.
Oh, no, wait. He is a little...but I'm seeing past it now which is good. I don't know if it's cos he's letting me or if I said something right, but I'm beneath the careless laugh he tried to fool me with.

Laur, I'd love to borrow C.S. Lewis' Four Loves... just in general, I need some more C.S. Lewis in my diet again. (I've drawn a little on Mere Christianity just now, about the important part, the real you, being the part that *chose* in a certain set of circumstances..but yeah.)

And now he's pulling in something someone else on aim said..great, so he's discussing this with at least two people, and probably pitting us against each other without realising it. (This doesn't surprise me, it's quite like him...) But they said something a little C.S. Lewis-y too... *laughs* Or it's just late and I'm reading into things by whatever's on my mind at the moment.

I've gotta let this thing go for now.. I need some sleep. 'night all.

*Ananda Daydream * 2:06 AM * (0) stars grow bright *

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