PThe Nightingale and the Rose, Oscar Wilde

        The Sorrows of Young Werther, Goethe


        Way behind on all crochet.
        It is NaNoNovember!

        anandadaydream's Profile Page

        blogger profile
        library thing

        desert songs
        amaranth and jasmine
        my lj


        Amaranthus, continued (NaNoWriMo 2010)
        untitled (2009)
        untitled (2008)
        Amaranthus (NaNoWriMo 2007)
        untitled (2006)
        Beneath the Dust (2005)
        Mortal Angel (2005)

        quid pro quo
        modernday phoenix
        life of a naturefreak

        lesbian pirates
        questionable content
        the dreamer
        joe the circle

        101 cookbooks
        i can haz cheezburger

        the hunger site
        the ONE campaign
        amnesty international


        the quote lists:
        summer 2004
        (rest to come once I get them online again~)

          the massive archives:
          12/09/2001 - 12/16/2001
          12/16/2001 - 12/23/2001
          12/23/2001 - 12/30/2001
          12/30/2001 - 01/06/2002
          01/06/2002 - 01/13/2002
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          12/28/2008 - 01/04/2009
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          11/21/2010 - 11/28/2010
          11/28/2010 - 12/05/2010
          01/09/2011 - 01/16/2011
          01/30/2011 - 02/06/2011

*has to laugh* I love how long it takes some people to catch on to things internet-related... there's *tons* of pop-up preventing software (but ad-zapper just pissed me off and I don't like random little progs that do things automatically for me..I don't trust them), *windows* will fill in passwords, there are tone of progs that'll fill in forms, Gator deals with a lot of that as I recall...and blogger has an optional software bitlet that'll let you post to yer blog automatically. (I tried it for awhile, but it didn't work right on I had little need for it cos I don't post content from other places very often). wow.
On the other hand, this has me *mad* frickin' excited. Within a year or so, most new laptops will be wireless-internet ready, and they're working on putting in access points all over the place.. ^_____^
..what I also like about this article, is the emphasis they put on the fact that this is *mad* good for developing countries - it doesn't rely on previously existing phone lines or cable lines or *anything*, a company goes in and sticks in, I don't even know, a tower or just a building or something..admitedly, y'still need the $ for something to access the internet with, but laptop prices are dropping like mad, and cell phones frickin' go online, so, I mean...

So, in other news, spent most of last night hanging out with merani-chan & co., which was actually pretty fun. Walked Himeros home when he left after hanging out with matantis, cos his bike had a was nice, we just walked and talked, and kissed goodnight and yay. ^___^ Then I walked back home and merani&co. were hanging around outside, cos it'd finally cooled off and was nice out..this was like, what, 11, 12pm? *g* we sat out in the front yard for like an hour and talked and it was cool. merani was like, randomly rolling around the yard I don't even know why anymore... took us a good five minutes to get Devon to understand why her earlier comment (as she and I were playing Crash racing on the ps earlier) about "riding on the edge" was..well, yeah. *guh* *hehe* (note to megs: we were good. even merani was like, "wait, wouldn't megs be jealous?" *giggles*)... and we talked about armeggedon and how the world's going to end and when and what we thought would happen and where you go and why and limbo and all this stuff. some heavy stuff, man... *g*
And then merani rolled around in the grass and said:
"Mmm, the grass smells sexy!"and we were like, dude, yer insane... and yeah. Came back in and hung around my room and stuff and they went downstairs and I dozed off at like 2.

So now there's like no-one around cos they all went to Devon's, tantis is still at work, dad's around but whatever...oo, himeros just signed back on aim. ^_^
and it's friday so it's slash night with megs. ^__^


Walking at night is lovely. Stars are beautiful. Fields, despite mosquitos, are very nice to sit in.

All of this is made all the sweeter when you're drinking it in with a warm, strong arm wrapped around you, looking from the stars to his eyes in the dim night-light, breathing in him and the cool night air.....

We'll not go into details here, I know that were I reading this on anyone's blog but my own, I'd be running away gagging by now. *laughs*

Suffice to say, Himeros and I are dating.


Now, I understand the tape holding posters up onto the wall coming loose in the mad humidity and all.

I was going thru stuff on my shelves of randomstuff, and thru a box of rocks. so my hands smell like rocks. but rocks smell cool! so it's all good. ^_^

I'm going to blame my random spasticness on the fact that there's no new strongbad e-mail today like there should be. mad fun new game, tho (Population: tire ..very addicting, and as challanging as you want to make it for yourself. perfect for procrastination w007 ^__^).

well, that, and megs passed on some pics she got from kate of mostly-nekkid boyBono.
the new record is now a tenth of a second before I turned to babbling incoherent wide-eyed goop on the carpet. gheeeee.

working with dad tomorrow, whee, then going with mom, so won't be around super-much. I know, you'll miss me dreadfully. such a hardship when I don't come online and babble like a moron and steal my sister's phrases and obsess over U2 and generally be an idiot.=, I know.

if you miss it all that much, head over to the blog my edgelet set up for my and megs' U2s to post onto.. there's still a lot of tweaking and things to be done, some changes yet to be made...but megs and I can't decide on pics to use, and Edgelet and I are having some coding issues, so yeah.
and yes, I know, this should mark us OFFICALLY freaking insane but I don't care, we're quite happy in our own little bubble-world, thankyouverymuch.

g'night all. *g*
So yeah, as additions to that.. see merani's lj for her version...
...and thanks so much to megs for staying up and worrying right along with me the whole time. *huugs*

So, after all that, today was good. Wnet to Holly's around 6.30 or something, hung out, we randomly decided to take a walk down the road, Brandon led a small contigent on a "Nature Walk", and I went along cos I figured *someone* who had experience wandering about in fields and brushrows and things oughta go along and make sure they didn't do anything silly... Scott was mega-spazz on the trampoline (you know what I mean), "jump at me!".."if you jump at anyone this season, jump at me", ad infinitum...during a spurt of actual semi-normalcy, he talked to me about Fredonia some, and I hope I managed to releave even a little of his apprehension about going off to college and all... I sat on the trampoline for awhile, and got bounced. and I like, shreiked/squeeled and it was all high-pitched and I was like ok NO... (random 'Dave Evans and the Giant Pickle' vibe: "And thith voith ith THO not macho!" *mad giggles* yay for Lar ^_^) Hung about, talked with people, went over and picked up some old fallen fence-bits while a few of the guys kicked at and otherwise ripped down some still-standing fence (with permission! *laughs*) to use in the bonfire...which eventually was started and was fairly large and mad hot (to the point where roasting marshmellows was really hard cos you couldn't get close to the flames at all, arm's length was still far too near)...
oh yeah, I got some lame pass made at me by random little boy, and some cousin of theirs wanted to know if I had a boyfriend, Brandon said this kid was 18 but he didn't seem it at all...and I was just like, uhm, okno.
what *IS* this, I get hit on by random freaky little boys but I've never been on a fookin' date??? gahhhhhh >_<
Got to talk with James for awhile again, he was sitting by himself on the far side of the fire, so I went and sat by him, and we talked awhile and it was good. *smiles* I dunno, I feel *so* bad for him, tho.. he's still not over Steph (whom he dated *all* thru high school and they seemed so perfect and happy together and just..everything), and she's jerking him around.. she's going out with *Trenton*, which really fucked with my head, and yet she's all telling James well, I feel a lot more connected to you than with Chris, but it's Chris she's going out with, and she said she knows when she gets back together with James it'll be forever but she's not ready for that yet... and I've heard this sort of thing before but it just doesn't make *sense*... meanwhile, you've all heard my tribute to James-the-wonderful, so I won't repeat it, but he's such a great guy..but his heart's still tied so close to Steph...
When pesky-evil-little-boy got to be too much for me, and people got up for something, I forget what, I went over and joined people laying out on the trampoline..lay down next to Laur and half-used her shoulder as a pillow/headrest for awhile *g*, while listening to her and Glenn talk about random stuff... it was just nice. I don't know Glenn well at all, but he's cool. ^_^
Laur wanted to call home around 11, so we wandered inside, and ended up hanging out and talking with Brandon awhile. He *is* just.. I don't even know, there's no simple way to describe him. *laughs* He's a composer, and fits all the eccentricities implied therewith, I guess. *G* And he's just..*weird*, a lot. But when you get him with just a couple other people and sit around and *talk* with him, he is pretty cool. Glenn came in eventually and we hung out, and shut pesky-evil-little-boy (who I realised is actually Brandon and Holly's little brother so I feel bad but he *is* evil) out of the house, and Glenn made MAD awesome pop-can towers, and yeah. Laur and I went downstairs to Brandon's room with him, cos he asked Laur about Cyrano de Bergerac (or however you spell it..I have it here someplace but I'm not about to check the spelling just now), which of course led her immediately into going off into her whole thing on it cos it's her favourite play EVER (..and come to think of it, it's my favourite play I've ever read, too *g*) and she adores it and is always trying to get everyone to read it. (which is good cos it rocks.) ^_^ So we went down to find Brandon's copy and Laur checked to see that it was a good translation (as it was originally in French, and some translations, like days, are better than others *g*).. and then we ended up looking at all this other random great stuff on his bookcases and it was fun. He had The Screwtape Letters and Laurel and I flipped and told him he HAS to read that as well, cos it's awesome. ^_^ So Brandon and Laur looked at and discussed books for quite awhile, while I listened and absorbed and added my two cents where I had any *g*. (Cos I read a lot, but I'm lacking in a lot of the "classics" cos I tend to not like a lot of them a whole lot. I loooathed "The Old Man and the Sea", and Dickens, as I believe I said in a journal I did for english, or maybe just on here, was a sick psychopath who enjoying tormenting his characters and should never have been allowed to set pen to paper. *shudders, twitches* evil.)
So about 1 Melinda drove Laur and I home, and Laur and I had a nice quiet discussion in the back seat (*reminding Laur*...tho I feel odd doing it, you know, cos I'm starting to wonder if maybe you shouldn't try so hard to keep yourself from liking him..which I know has occured to you as well, but.. *smiles a bit* I know and understand and agree with your reasoning, though, and it's good. ..get on his case with that e-mail, and maybe try to make it a regular thing. cos if anything, hey, he's cool, and you'll have lots of spare cpu time oce you get to college. ^_^)
So yeah. It's 2am and I'm going old-school 'Nanda. Had a nice cup of hot chocolate (in the mug I've had for as long as I can remember..and why you'd have a teddy bear with an ice cream cnoe on a hot chocolate mug *still* eludes me completely but I'm quite attatched to it *G*), am going to get changed and curl up in bed with a good book until I doze off and sleep. ^_^

*deep breaths*
Yesterday really *was* the longest day... craziness. Biggest story at the end, but it's a better read if I go in order here.

Rolled outta bed about 10.30 cos merani-chan came in to use the cpu...far too early, cos I hadn't gone to sleep 'til about, what, 4.30? cos Megs and I were taking a mental Lemon trip to high-school Bono and Adam.. ^_~ uh, yeah. So, went downstairs, on one couch was sprawled a sleeping Twin, on the other was Himeros, whose eyes were open and watching me. I said hey, he got up and we stood in the kitchen talking for a little while.. random stuff a little, I was mad groggy and all still, I dunno.. and after awhile he looked at me and gestured with his hand for me to come over to him..and I did..and he heeeeeld me for a few minutes..... and he looked at me and tried to kiss me a few times, but I turned away, I didn't even know what to think or do, y'know? He and I talked for an hour or so the other day, out in the graage, just talking and hanging out, matntis was there for part of it, it was just nice..and he asked me if I'd want to catch a movie or something sometime, and I said sure. I don't know, just... cos I previously decided ok, so things aren't going anywhere with him, I can deal with this. And that's just the thing, I *know* it couldn't be anything really long-term, not with me at college and everything. And I am who I am, I'm not a casual dater, I never have been, fook, I doubt I've ever really been on a *date*! And I can't just, y'know, see a guy for a few weeks and then just move on like it was nothing, it just.. that's not who I am. But then I sit here and wonder, well, ok, even if I know it won't be a long-term permanent thing, I know it's just a dating-thing, I go out with him for awhile and, y'know, it drops off into friendship or whatever again after awhile, could I do that? And right now it seems like I could. But then I remember just how badly I missed him those first few weeks back in Fredonia after CHristmas break..*sighs*..and I don't know. Just... I don't know. Himeros has his whole theory on dating and all, and he doesn't want to do it cos in his experience girls get super-possessive and just stupid about it, it's like the guy is a piece of private property. He has a very negative view of it, which, alright, I can understand, it makes sense to me, what he says. But then I look at it from my own pov and.. I don't see how it's bad. It's a security-thing, it's knowing and trusting that you've got someone there for you, and they'll be there for you and be for you *first* don't know. I've never even *been* in a real relationship, I don't know what the fuck I'm trying to do saying what it is and how it should be.....
I don't know. We heard Matt move around upstairs so we moved apart, but he didn't come down so we stayed in the kitchen for a little more.. I said that I didn't want this sort of on-and-off thing, I can't do it, like it was before... and he GAVE ME FOOKIN' PUPPY EYES and..gah. *smiles a bit* So I went over and put my arms loosely around him and told him not to look at me like that... He held me and I had an arm around him and we gazed at each other for a little bit, and... as he held me he said it could work this time. And I don't know just what had been in my eyes prior to that but it must've been some mess of confusion and happiness and regret and longing and I don't even know..but at that, they just lit up. So I *did* let him kiss me, two soft light gentle kisses, then I went to go take a shower.
When I got out (still in my pjs, I don't walk around in a towel post-shower, there are too many boys in the vicinity and just no anyway), Himeros was still in the kitchen, eating a banana. And I nodded at him and was about to head upstairs to get dressed but he beckoned me over again. And he held me a minute, and said again that it could work. It was going to be hard, though.. cos of my stupid brother. And I told him that I don't care at all what matt thinks cos, I mean, he and I have barely even talked much at all since I've been home, he's always out and when he's here he's asleep or one the cpu or Twins and etc. are here and they're being stupid.. Himeros said that yeah, but we'll still have to keep it kinda low..which I understand..there's a slight nagging fear that he wants to keep it quieter cos, I dunno, he still is kinda seeing other girls, tho not officially, like he usually is, but I have no evidence of any of that...I don't know. I pointed out that matantis is gonna be working all summer tho - he won't be around much. ;) ..*sighs*..I don't know. He kissed me again, softly at first and then more a bit and... gah. *sighs* Then we heard matt noise from matt's room again so I headed for my room......
I don't know what to do, it's all crazy. I'd like to give it another shot, I think, now that we'd say what things really *are* this time and all, just.. *shakes head* I don't know. But I know that I can't let him be kissing me and stuff if I know he's gonna be doing the same with anyone else. Call it what he will, that's just not right in my world. I'll spend all the time in the world with him, I *want* to be friends with him, he's a great kid, he really is. But "friends-with-benefits" can only go so far if there are that many others like that, y'know? it just....... *sighs* I don't know.

So, yeah. That's how the day BEGAN.

From there, went over to Laur's grad party, which was in fact great fun. *g* So that was good. We hung out and had Dinosaur BBQ and watched strongbad e-mails and things and played DDR (discovering that the x-button on the dance pad subs for the broken back-arrow ^_^) and talked and whee.
Left abuot five to come home and change for graduation, hung out with merani-chan and the most adorable sweet babystting-charges I've ever run into.. Vinnie's 2 and Mariah's 4, and they're two of the prettiest children I've ever seen, they're so adorable.. and they're all sweet, Mariah's a great big sister already, taking care of her brother and all, they pick up after themselves, just.. they were great, I wanted to stick around longer and help merani out - they'd been there since about 1.30, and were to stay 'til 7 or so, she was getting a bit tired. *g*
Blake picked me up a little after 6, he drive me and three other girls down to Eastman for graduation. I got to sit next to him out in the audience so I was quite happy. *smiles* Cos I haven't had a chance to really hang out with him since we got bcak for the summer, and he's still one of my good friends and fun to be around and yay. *g* So we listened to the people providing pre-ceremony music, and they rocked, and it was great cos these are all people we know and are friends with, y'know? Ceremony started, we griped about the principal and the superintendent and wished we'd gotten to sing "Starmaker" and listened to the speeches and all... Their guest speaker was far better'n ours was, but then, you couldn't get much worse, we had a random C-C delinquint giving our grad speech! 9__9 The saluditorian's speech was alright - a bit stiffy-worded, not, y'know, particularly naturally-personalised-whatever written, nothing too profound, but it was good. The valedictorian's speech.. I still can't decide how much I liked or disliked it. Throwing in random song quotes all over was cool and all, but the way in which he did it, I don't know, it just felt a little to me like he was copping out on having to write bits himself? maybe not, but something bugged me a little and I'm not sure what it was. He ganked a line from T.S. Eliot's "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" tho, and I *flipped*. *laughs* It was the line about the magic lantern throwing nerves up onto the wall, which I love, and it was just tossed in in passing and I'm like, DUDE that's PRUFROCK!!!! and Blake's like huh? *giggles* I don't know. And the kid kept going back and forth between saying how much humankind has achieved, and poitning out how tiny we are in the scope of the universe. Which was cool in its way, but he was a little too back and forth on it, and his ending was flat. But whatever, I've heard worse speeches. ^_^
So it was good and cool and whee, crazy being on the outside of all of this now, looking in though...
Got out of there about 9, 10-something? I don't remember. Calypso drove Daf and I over to Laurel's again, listening to Beatles and Red Hot Chili Peppers and singing along, they sat in front and chatted now and then, Daf giving directions on where on earth we were goin'... I sat in back looking out the window, it was a *gorgeous* night out... the sun had gone down but it wasn't dark quite yet, the sky was that gorgeous lumenescent navy-cerulean, the first star was just coming out in my view... the city looked so pretty all lit up, spotlights on a building, the reflections in the hubcaps of passing cars, the way the streetlights shine golden in the navy-black shadows (just the sort of colouring I was after in "I'm Running in the Rain")... crossed over the river and I had a brief glimpse of light glancing faintly off its surface.. just, everything, it was gorgeous and good music and I'm a lot more comfortable around Daf & Calypso than I was.. prolly cos I finally managed to start being at least cordial towards Calypso again, it's getting better and I'm glad.
Hung around at Laur's for awhile, Daf and Calypso and Laur and her cousin Lily and I.. it was good. Took a random walk around the block, hung around inside, just talked for a few hours. About midnight Daf figured she oughta be getting back, as did I, so Calypso drove us home again.

Walked into the house, nearly locked up cos I saw the guys' bikes, and I thought they might be in for the night, but decided to wait 'til Iw as sure they were in...
And I walked into the living room and Dad and merani-chan were sitting on the couch, Vinnie asleep in Dad's lap and Mariah sprawled across merani, also asleep.
Impossibly cute, but puzzling.
...their mom had first bumped the time back to 9pm, then called at 10pm, saying that she'd gotten a flat tire around Bergen (which is maybe ten minutes from here) but AAA was gonna come take care of it. She called again at 11pm, saying that she was on her way.
Midnight, and still nothing, so we were a little but not *too* worried. I went upstairs and jumped on aim a minute, telling Megs what was up, and said I was gonna sit and wait with merani and the babies for a bit.
Vinnie was on the couch, snoozing, I took Mariah from merani and held her for awhile. Holding and watching a sleeping child like that is one of the sweetest things... Vinnie tossed and turned a good bit - rolled right off the couch once before we could catch him, he's used to a crib still. But Mariah slept right through being moved from merani's arms to mine, and being shifted about now and then when my arm got tired. She has this gorgeous curly brown hair.. like mine, only (relatively) longer and a lot saner and prettier. *g* I don't have the chance to be around kids that young very often, I had *the* biggest urge to take a picture of Vinnie, or draw Mariah's sweet little face...but I didn't want to move and wake her up, and I dunno, I feel weird taking pics of people I don't know well, or people's kids like that, I'd rather ask, y'know? So I just watched them sleeping, rubbing her arm without realising it most times, baby skin is so unbelievably soft..I can remember quite well when merani was that young, but it's been a long time. (I was six when she was born.. but she's thirteen now.) merani and I sat out there with them, Dad was with us some of the time as well... An hour passed...another half... 1.30am and still no sight or word of the dearling's mom. We laid Mariah out on the other couch, draping blankets across the both of them, I went upstairs again for a bit to update megs..... (babe, again, I'm IS a fookin' conspiracy to break up our weekend chats. *wry grin* ..but now I'll have all week to plot out the scene one we were gonna do last night, and be able to do it justice. ^_^)
Dad tried calling both home and cell numbers the kids' mom gavce merani. No answer.
At some point Vinnie woke up, Dad changed his diaper, and merani and I sat with him waiting for him to fall back asleep. The poor dear, two years old, waking up in the middle of the night in a strange place, with people you'd never seen before that day, being apart from his mommy for what, over twelve hours by then. His brown eyes were *so* big and round, he looked so confused and scared.....
2am, Dad tried both emergeny numbers...and nothing from them, either.
3am, Dad called the police and explained the situation.
I went upstairs for awhile while we waited for them to arrive, merani and Dad dozed downstairs. Sometime around 4 or so, I think, two sheriffs came in and talked with Dad, who explained everything while merani and I sat and watched over the somehow still-slumbering angels. In the midst of things, their mom finally called. She told Dad that while AAA was fixing her flat, the jack slipped from under the car and fell on her, she had been in emergency with a broken leg.
After she hung up, Dad realised hey wait, AAA doesn't let you near your car while they're working on it. And the woman never said which hospital she was in - there are, what, at least three around Rochester?
And I wondered why on earth she hadn't called sooner - if this had happened hours ago why hadn't she called after her kids??? That would have been my first concern in her place...
Police said to call later if anything new came up, or later on if there was still no sign of their mother.
It was about 5am by the time we all got to bed, Dad slept on the living room floor in case the kids woke up scared...
I didn't wake up 'til 10am, but the kids woke up at 7 and thus so did merani and Dad..
10am merani came into my room, saying that Beth was here (which was wonderful, Dad was as frazzled as we were), and so were the kids' grandpa, and so was a policeman again. and the policeman was kinda hot and had big muscles. *laughs*
I stumbled downstairs, they were trying to sort things out so I went into merani's room with her and the kids, who were up playing around a bit.
Not too long afterwards, they figured something out and the kids went with their grandpa...
And they checked the hospitals all 'round, even out of the county...their mom was never in any of them last night. Standing theory is that she's a drug addict... I'm not sure how they have this figured cos I haven't had a chance to talk to Dad yet today, but yeah.. makes sense, anyway, from everything...
*sad sigh*
What the fook is wrong with this world? the sweetest angelings ever, and their mom didn't even care enough to call and make sure they were okay.......

And last night, megs was telling me about her day... she and her boyfriend Mike were walking around NYC in the rain, having the most wonderful sweet loving day, they were both mad happy and even *I* thought it was wonderful and adorable. *g* But then, on the way home...

"walking down the steps to the subway, i see this guy sitting on the ground     he was probably 16 or 17     verrrry pretty     with short spiky floppy hair and big blue eyes     and i realized he was homeless he had a cup for money and big sad eyes     pleading     and he looked right in my eyes, and his eyes were brimming with tears and just begggging     and i gave him like $5 and i burst into tears     i see homeless people all the time, but this was a child     and he was all alone     and it was raining     and i don't know what it's like to not have a home     so i was really sobbibg, but not just for him     because there are thosuands of homeless people in the city     and i used to give each one i saw some change, but you just can't there are too many
(and I said there are plenty here, too, and rochester's so much smaller..)     so out of self defense, i learned to not see them really, but that feels worse     see? it's such a huge problem in the world     i was really crying hard i couldn't stop [...]     this kid's eyes...i'll never forget     they were so big and blue and sad     and mike was holding me and telling me it's ok, but it's really not [...]     it's so sad it's not just about not having a physical home it's not having an emotional home, with family or loved ones     i can't imagine how that feels"

*'nother long sigh* ...and there are so many great thigns in this world, you've all seen my posts lately... and then people are so *stupid*, they're self-centered or just don't care, and I don't understand how... and then some people, it's just..... I don't even understand how things are the way they are, some people are homeless thru their own faults but not nearly all.....I'll never understand this world.....all I can do is just hope and pray to find some way to help it........
..cos that's my own thought on all of that God also used it as a wake-up call for me, I've been all complacent and not doing much for a few weeks, and..just the other night, I prayed for Him to help me get my are in gear and find a way to help people again...and then the thing with Himeros came up and that could *so* easily take over my whole world again, and I *don't* want it to... then angelets were left with us, and megs told me about the boy, and..... and I was thinking about it all last night and knew that I've been rather oblivious again altely, and I know how many peopole know so little of things out there, really...even in the valedictorian's speech, he mentioned the troubles in the world, but it was all generic and in passing, y'know, there are people hungry there are people sick and dying, there are people without food or homes... and I thought to myself, even as I was listening, how much of it does he really know and care about? I mean, maybe he does, I don't really know this kid at all, only by hear-say, but... I don't know. Just, so many people..and *I* don't even know or have seen half of it..Himeros's one sister isn't allowed back in the house anymore, he said, she's addicted to crack (literally)....... much trouble as I've had, I've had it frickin' GOOD.....

..Dad said he's proud of merani and I, how much we cared for and stayed with and loved those two kids...I am too, but I'm soooo glad Dad was around cos *I* wouldn't've known what to do, let alone merani......and, I don't know, I just... I could have held Mariah in my arms like that forever.....