am currently.. fascinated? haunted? something.. by old family photos. so yes, this's why my buddy icons on aim and some of my new desktops've been of little-me.. it's just, it's a very odd sort of thing, I look at a photo of 3-year old me, and I see the same eyes I have now... their expression's lighter in most, but there are a few..it's the very same as I've caught it at times even now...
and some of the photos, I remember them being taken, I remember that day or that moment, there's a memory there...but others, there's not, it's as if I'm looking at some other life, this pretty little child with blond curls and big blue eyes...
all three of us had the *biggest* blue eyes I've ever seen... we all still do, but when we were little, they were so much the larger...
and then other pictures, it's the oldest ones that grab me the most because I'm not familiar with them, many I don't think I've even seen before, ones of my parents before we were born...
I found a postcard my mom sent my dad 'way back in '77, before they were married... it was really cute. *smiles*
I found a photo of my mom, a dim polaroid of her labelled with her handwriting in pen, '21st'... it was her 21st birthday, she's looking down away from the camera but...
that's only a year away from *me*...
mom still doesn't look her age at all but she was really beautiful then...
and I can see a little more of her in myself now than I could before, just, something around the eyes I think, Megs said it was the delicacy of features..
and there was a photo of her holding either matt or myself as a baby...she's glancing up at the camera, caught a bit off-guard...
and her eyes are the same as mine are now.....
there's a photo of my dad, I figured out he was around 20, 21... he looks *exactly* like my brother does now, only with brown hair and a moustache.. their hair even curls the same way when it's long, their faces are so very much the same...
there are far more photos of Arizona than I'd thought.. when I was a year old, my parents and I went out there for Aunt Marla (mom's sister)'s wedding.. so of course I don't remember it - just as well, we were apparently all sick :p ... but I blame that for my hang-up with the desert.
there's a photo of Mom and I, she's letting me down to crawl around on the sand..
there are some really gorgeous ones of the desert itself, and there's so much sky...

so I've been scanning in as I go, photos I like for whatever reasons, some've had buddy icons made, some desktops...
and I've been writing little bitlets of things from all of these...
also actually got a non-U2 related story-idea from something...
and made a connection between my feelings when looking at these photos of a self I was long ago, and the way Mackie's looking at Bono in the fic I'm writing...

my original intent was to organise these, and, well, I've done so for one little box... but I've a month here, and someone has school starting again soon so less of my time will be out of the house.. *giggles*

it's been a very interesting sort of mind-trip though.. a good one, definitely, it's left me in a very artsy-creative sort of frame of mind, which is good. *smiles*

 
^_____________________^

there are, in fact, sweet romantic thoughtful kind guys still around.. ones who'll pay for your dinner and always get the door for you, ones who will say something sweet and poetic before kissing you..
..and there are girls who, in spite of themselves, will blush and swoon...

<3


..song of the moment has switched from an acoustic version of Coldplay's "Yellow" (which's awesome, available to download from me for a limited time here) to the Church's "Under the Milky Way"... we got to the Distillary, a restaurant out..I think we were still in Henrietta..and as we walked up to the door I froze and was like, *dude*, it's Under the Milky Way this is one of my favourite songs and this band is *so* obscure... *laughs softly, shakes head* I dunno, I'm a music-spazz, but.. it was good.
As was the entire night. *smiles gently*
*laughs softly, shakes head* I don't even...wow. Must be something about the beginning of the year that lines up my luck or something, it was exactly this same time last year that I was just hooking up with Himeros...
..tho just now, I see this going better than that..not that, y'know, it's gone far or for long, but, I've known the guy far longer than I did last time, and just.. *smiles* yeah. idk.
as always, we'll see what happens.....

..for now.... it was a very, very good night. *smiles* sweet dreams all~

 
*laughs softly* remind me next time I'm all sad that it won't be long before things go on an upswing again...
midnight rolled 'round, Dad and Mel and I watched the ball fall, yippee, I went upstairs to get some of the hot chocolate Megs' family had sent me for Christmas cos they're awesome, and saw that I'd JUST missed her on aim...and I was all sad and decided to call her cos I wanted to talk with her for awhile. Called, voice mail. Called again, voice mail. Two minutes later, she calls me, her aunt'd been on.
So we talked for like an hour and it definitely cheered me up, ever so much. ^__^ *huuuuuuugs* Thanks so much, love...
Get off the phone, put it back in Dad's room, go into Mel's room and see what she wanted, she starts showing me a vid - which I promise, I'll watch tomorrow. no, really. - and then the phone rings. So I run out to get it...
and it was Erik.
^________^
So that was awesome, and we talked for like an hour and a half then his mom poked in and realised he was up still and on the phone and said to say goodbye. So he said goodbye and then kept talking. *has to laugh* And I felt *bad*, I was like dude, no, I don't want you to get in trouble and he's like no, it's ok, she wasn't really mad, and you're worth it.. *smiles softly* So we talked a little longer then his mom poked in again so we finally had to go. *giggles* but he said he'll call tomorrow, if he finishes up with his pig (participation in gov't, for non-cchs'ers) project early enough we'll get together for awhile...
So...
*laughs, shakes head* I don't even *know*, I really don't...
...but I don't mind. *smiles*
nonoNO phrase of doom bad Melissa. *laughs*
..it's nice. ^_^

 
*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHS*
...so much for THAT one...

..as he hadn't mentioned it prior to this afternoon, since he hadn't had it planned before late last night, his parents nixed his coming over here after going to Julie's.
*siiiiiiiiiiighs*

so he called and apologised and felt really bad.. and said he'd really wanted to see me, I said yeah, me too...

awful lot of silence between things said, I think just cos we're both like ehm right now what, y'know? *laughs softly* idk....

*sighs*

hope the rest of y'all have a happy new year, I'm gonna curl up in here with U2's 'Boy' cranked and play Ragnarok so I won't be such a hopeless n00b on there and.. yeah.

 
just cos when I post, I post a lot. *laughs*

What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
uhm... *laughs softly, shakes head* I can think of a number of things, which won't be mentioned on this blog... but apart from those..
I met Megs irl. ^_______^

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
uhm.. seeing as I don't recall making any, I don't think so... idk, sometimes I think of things I should work on but it's not ever like a big official declaration. cos, really?
I'd just forget it anyway. *giggles*


Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope. Megs and I occasionally met up with our future-children with the U2s in our Bubble, but that's a whole 'nother story... *giggles*

Did anyone close to you die?
not me personally, no

What countries did you visit?
yeah canada. *giggles* ..but it was my first time in Toronto, so that was cool. ^_^

What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
more self-confidence, I s'pose, it'd be nice to not slip into those sort of worthless pointless moods so much.. not that it's often, and it's never long before my friends, who're the best in the world *smiles*, pull me back... that and, y'know, some semblance of a love-life would be nice, but we'll see. ^_^

What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Well, Nov. 13-16 anyway, cos Megs came to visit so the date stuck out like a lot. *giggles* uhm.. otherwise, idk, there aren't really any particular dates that're standing out..

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
landing a solo or two in band, and my series at the end of Drawing II, cos those drawings worked out so well, and I think I'm actually catching onto something with my drawings... also, my writing, cos it's come a long way as well.

What was your biggest failure?
hmm. actually, thinking about it... probably saying what I mean, what I'm really thinking, specifically in really-close relationships..... that's really been the cause of the things that caused me the most angst in my personal life. hopefully now that I've realised this, I'll be better at it though, I know I'm improving anyway.. it's far better to deal with little doubts and things while they're still small and fresh, instead of letting them fester and the questions with them.....

Did you suffer illness or injury?
mm, spent a few weeks total coping with sore throats and colds of doom, and there was the sfe picnic where a certain feminine issue hit me like friggin' anything and I almost fainted I think for the first time in my life. that was..interesting.

What was the best thing you bought?
plane ticket to fly to NYC to see Sigur Ros and Megs, and adaptor for ddr pad/pc. ^_____^

Where did most of your money go?
damn good question... probably my friggin' boomspeed account. :p well, no, actually, percentage-wise, probably Sunil and Samweli got the majority of it. *smiles warmly* and that, I don't mind at all.
the rest went to random walmart and dollar store and movie excursions and prolly art supplies. *g*

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
seeing Hanson and Sigur Ros and Megs and seeing Megs and seeing Megs again. ^____^ and the Peter and the Wolf book/cd and BONO PAINTING EEEEEEEE!!!!! *spazzes*

What song will always remind you of 2003?
oh goodness, far too many... a lot of DDR songs, for sure *giggles*... "Ordinary World" for a number of reasons, a lot of Joshua Tree will remind me of November for awhile yet *smiles*... Hanson's "Penny and Me" I think will always take me back to going to see those two shows of theirs..."Swamp Thing" by the Chameleons cos it's friggin' amazing and I've listened to it 438543 times, same with Matt Darey's Ibiza Euphoria album, The Smiths...and.. idk. *laughs* There are so many songs that mean so many different things to me..... oh, that's right, this was this year: U2's "Hands That Built America"... performance at the Oscars was one of the most incredible I've ever ever seen, they're all so amazing, and Bono in particular......

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?happier
ii. thinner or fatter? I think a lil thinner actually..more in shape, anyway, tho that's only relatively. -_-;
iii. richer or poorer? uhm.. up until Christmas and movie-ing, richer..

What do you wish you'd done more of?
writing, I think. I've done a lot but I wish I could keep a journal-sort of thing better than I do..
and, y'know, organising my time better would've been a plus. 9_9
and going to concerts. there're also so many on campus, and we never get to many at all..

What do you wish you'd done less of?
probably procrastinating, but it didn't hurt me too terribly much this year...

How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve day I went to see The Last Saumrai with Erik, then opened presents at home, went to the Grandparents' with Mom and Mel and Matt for Christmas Day... called Megs that night and opened presents with her. *smiles*

Did you fall in love in 2003?
*laughs softly, smiles* possibly

How many one-night stands?
uhm..none

What was your favorite TV program?
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy ^_^

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
not that I can think of..

What was the best book you read?
hmm. idk, a lot of what I've read has been re-reading things I've read before... oh, wait, C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves I read new this past year. ^___^

What was your greatest musical discovery?
hmm.. fresh this year? Chameleons and a number of other 80s underground/new wave bands.. trance in general, dj tiesto in particular.. ayumi hamasaki.. vnv nation.. the smiths.. sunny day real estate..

What did you want and actually get?
new harddrive. The Peter and the Wolf thing. The U2 Boy shirt. ^__^

What did you want and not get?
A set of Lar's drumsticks Megs found on ebay. *laughs softly* We *almost* had them, autographed and all...

What was your favorite film of this year?
RotK. Favourite film like ever, right up there anyway.
The Order was mad good too.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
uhm.. I think we went out for Chinese, I fell into one of my melancholy moods.. turned 19.
my 20th birthday is a week away..... -_-;;;;;;;

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
U2 having had more new music. *giggles*

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
uhm.. *laughs* all over everywhere, more than ever.. new stuff was like, 80s-underground-punk-new-wave or something. my awesome black pants with the zippers and things. '76 shirt cut down at the neck. adam/bono heavy-chain necklace. *giggles* randomness.

What kept you sane?
my friends. who also kept me insane, but that's important too. ^_^
and my music, as always. ^_^

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
LarryBonoAdamEdge. *giggles* with bouts of Ewan McGregor and Orlando Bloom and Jamie Oliver and Kyan from Queer Eye (whyyyyy does he have to be gay?? meh. *giggles*) and assorted random others. but mostly B and Lar. ^_^

What political issue stirred you the most?
mmm, probably debt/aids in africa.

Who was the best new person you met?
mmm.. Oliver? *laughs* idk. him and my suitemates that I didn't already know yet. ^_^

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003
well, like I said before, probably just... don't let questions and doubts and uncertainties and things linger and fester just beneath the surface.. even if you're afraid of what might happen when you voice them, get it out right then, cos they won't go away and will only worsen and cause more trouble than you might think they would later on...

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
*laughs* one? uhm.. no. The Smiths' "How Soon is Now?" sums up my life pretty much a lot of times, there are endless U2 lyrics that say just what I mean, different songs link to different times and events and thoughts.. there are songs that follow what I've been writing and drawing which is a large part of me right now, songs that make me think of people and places and days..... impossible question to answer. *giggles*


again.. never with a straight simple answer. *giggles* my apologies.

 
omFg IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_______________^
Dad dealt with the physical end of it - I watched, it was something I could've managed on my own but he was all excited about doing it so I let him. anyway, he's dealt with hardware before and I haven't so y'know. I ran the set-up and omFg it works and I HAVE 120 GBS OF HD. ^______^
(Well theoretically anyway, no hd is ever quite the size it says it is.. but y'know.)

Am transferring my ~15gb of mp3s there for now, will set things up to download there, use it for that for now, anything new'll be installed over there...ooo hey this means I can install the old-school games I downloaded but hadn't installed yet! ^_^

Also, will finally have enough free space to defrag my c drive and all that sort of thing. *giggles*


And I have plans, at least a little, for New Year's Eve wtf?! *laughs softly, shakes head* He's going to a party for awhile after work for a bit then he's coming over here for midnight..... *smiles*

..and now y'all see why I never worry about things like this, they come up and happen on their own, all I do is be myself and talk with people I want to talk with and little things, volunteer to walk out to a car with them or brush an arm against his shoulder... and idk, just, things happen when they want to and it just sort of goes and... *laughs softly* ..and I'm babbling, but, basically, I don't go out actively looking for someone..and really, it wouldn't make sense to, if I went out and partied tho it's not my thing, all I'd meet would be party-type of people, which isn't who I am, so it'd all be futile in the end.. you meet people by doing the things you like to do, by going places you want to go, and you make friends and keep friends and by being yourself you find people like you.....

 
p.p.s. wtf *IS* it with guys I've hung out with for awhile and winter breaks?? isn't spring supposed to be romance-time, or at least summer? not that things didn't happen with Himeros over summer vaca (gooodness too many things happened I think *laughs faintly*) but, y'know, things always start at winter break and idek..

 
and p.s. by megs' and kel's and I think mine standards..last night did end up being a date. a little on-- err well it was like 9 friggin' hours *laughs softly* but little in terms of we had dinner and watched anime and taaaalked and talked and talked and then hugged goodnight, and he asked if I'd ever thought about us maybe being something, and I said I had, and we said yeah, maybe....
*smiles*
yay.

 
New harddrive came today!!!!
80 friggin' gigs to add onto my prior 40... this is going to rock. ^_________^

assuming I can figure out how to install it and get it to work without killing something or someone. *pets Lawrence with a bit of concern*

..so if I'm not online for a bit, that'd be why. should return before long, barring any major accidents. -_-;;;

 
*giggles* am playing with merani, briee, and faith, they're feeding each other random food while the feed-ee is blindfolded and has to guess what it is... needless to say, it quickly evolved into slightly-sketchy foods...and then I got into it and it all went downhill from there. *mwahahhahahahahhaha*
cos I'll do things like, bologna with honey and then cloves on it, or a chocolate chip cookie with relish and a potatoe chip, or yogurt with dill seeds and celery salt mixed in.
so now I'm sitting in merani's room waiting for them to make up stuff to subject me to... but I'm the child who actually *did* drink the freckle juice when we made it in school once (not that I ever needed it *giggles*), and regularly enjoyed grossing out my tablemates at lunch. mad fun. ^_^

O_o

they just screamed EWWWWW and Mel went out and also screamed EWWWWW... I'm just a little concerned.


anyway, I have a date(!!!!! ..ok it's not officially been named one but, as Megs pointed out, he's picking me up, taking me to dinner, then back to watch anime at his house, and he's not letting me pay..so it's a date) in a few hours so this is good to get my mind off it so I stop spazzing about what I'm wearing and other such silliness. not, of course, that it'll be good to settle my stomach, but.. we're going to Nick Tahoe's, maybe it'll be a good thing to begin the day with. *giggles*