*hrm*. Sadly, in trying to get adoptions back up..the only place *I* have some saved is on my one boomspeed account..y'know, the one they've closed off to me, even tho I told them I'd pay for it now...bakas...anyway.... And I've discovered that the websites have since closed. *sad sigh* ...again..what's happening to this world?

Ah well. Have an adopted Larry now, so it's all good. ^_^

 
*dances around like a psycho* YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! ^_^
..ok..tweeking to do, yes...but most of it's back now. Hooray! ^_^

*sniff* ...I missed my pretty blog....*g*

 
..am seeing if I can make this thing work right again...*crossing fingers*

 
fweesch...been far too busy setting up a new home for U2 fanfic, now that f/f.net has turned to the dark side, and is no longer allowing any "real people" fics. (***note to Laur: this includes WL fic..better go save Air Drew if you need to!)

*sigh* ...what is *with* the world lately?!

 
..too drained to go into anything here tonight...my passionately emotional artistic side hit in full force today/tonight, have gone from one extreme to the other...too much to go into right now, and I've some hw I oughta do..uhh, if I can find that blasted assignment sheet--! ^^;

 
Oh wow. Dude. I've gotta get to Buffalo, Nov. 12. ..shit. It's a Tuesday, at noon..I'd prolly have to skip a class or two. I've seen banners up for this around lately, but didn't know what they were for...this's incredible. awesome. *perfect*. ...why's it on a Tuesday?!. Blah. ..I need transportation...I could miss an art class or two for this!!!
..this is incredible.....anyone else willing to skip some school? *g*

**later update: there's busses running from here to Buffalo multiple times every day, for $6-somethin' each way. Not so bad...score. ^_^

 
...and I know, I know, I wasn't gonna take chances with boomspeed...but I *had* to add the Larry adoptee!!!! ^_^

 
meh. it's been verified. God has a mean sense of humour.
..I'm coming back from getting some food for dinner, these girls ahead of me let a piece of paper (maybe a few inches in diameter) fall. And it occurs to me..I should pick that up. And then, that bag in the corner down there, too...
But I didn't, partly cos I'd walked a ways away from there by this point, etc., etc., there's a million reasons - no, excuses - I gave myself.
All of the sudden, my sub slips out of my hand, and half of it spills across the sidewalk.
"..shit..."
I gathered it up, shoved it back together, kicked the majority of the spilled lettuce over into the grass, and looked skyward.
"Haha, God, very funny...I get the point."

 
...and don't worry, the horrible ugliness of my blog right now *will* be fixed..soon's boomspeed decides to take my frickin' money and give me service!! >_< (or, y'know, I come up with an alternative..hehe...*g*)

 
...philosophy was a rather boring *class* today...but *afterwards*...
Guy (the kid from England) went up to the professor after most people'd left, and started asking him about Plato's other world, the higher, "perfect" world..and was asking if the things there had *names*, like, if you could pin everything there down with a word..if you couldn't, then how could they exist?
I couldn't help it, I butted in. *g* ...you can *have* something be real, whether you have a word for it or not..."like, y'know, when a song just *hits* you, *makes bam-ish sound *g**, there's no word for that, but it's not any less real.."..and he argued that back, I forget exactly how..but he made a funky noise too. *laugh* ...I'm like, "we're human, so we have to limit things to words, but you *can't* find words for some things, I mean, there're words in German, in Hebrew, that you *can't* translate into english, but they're still there, the things they express.." ..but it was really cool, I'm standing there arguing about the existance of forms, of essenses, and that they're there whether they have a name or not, with some guy I hardly know with a wonderful British accent.
...I love college, and I love America. *smile*

 
...but there's been a lot running through my mind today, same's everyone else, I s'pose...
..one of the first places I went this morning was Amnesty Int'l's site, tho. I remember a year ago, they sent out an e-mail..and the one difference between theirs and everyone else's was that they warned against lashing back against all Muslims and things, to make sure we didn't overlooks others' rights while seeking justice on our own behalf...which I thought a very valid point.

..but that morning...I remember being in the auditorium, hearing the pa system come on..and we couldn't quite make out what was being said, we just assumed Salvaggio was yelling at us again for being out in the hallways thirty seconds after the bell...
...but then they quieted us down, and we moved silently out into the foyer, straining to hear what was going on...Mr. C. found out the details, and read it back to us in the auditorium a few minutes later...and we were stunned.
...and we went to lunch, and I was still largely numb..and we were all talking about it..I remember Vicki being ready to dive under the lunch table, in fear that we'd be hit next...
...and it was doing lunch, that I finally realised - there were *people* in those buildings, in those planes.
...somehow, I hadn't realised that before...I'd heard, yeah, two buildings were destroyed...and that's sad, but.....and then I realised, there were *people* there...*so* many people...people's sisters, brothers, father, mothers, best friends, secret crushes...
...and I knew three of the members of U2 had places in New York City, and I was so scared...
...and we went to english class, and...I think we jus kept on with what we were doing, to get through the day..."counting peas"...though I started writing then...
...during my early dismissal, I remember the radio on, trying to figure out what was happening...
...got home, and we all just sat in front of the tv all night...and I remember just falling in love with the newscasters, esp. Peter Jennings...they did such an incredible job, I was in awe and in love...*smile*...
...but the thing that got me...they showed footage on the tv...and we all saw the planes hit, the buildings fall, again and again...but you could see people falling from the buildings...and they told of a fireman, who had come to help...and was killed by someone falling, who landed on him.....
...that day, and for the next few days, I kept short journals on what was going on, how we all felt, what I was thinking...
...the Twin Towers were symbols of America's wealth...rubbing our affluence in the faces of the rest of the world...and I knew, and I know, we've so many enemies...and many of them were making treaties and such at the time, which scared me...
...but I wondered if we weren't just scape-goating with Bin Laden?
......I listened to Bush's speeches...and was comforted...I'm sorry, I still have faith in Bush, I was and am glad that he's in charge right now...but the one thing that scared me was Bush saying that we'd hunt down and punish those responsible...that worried me...as Amnesty still proclaims - "Justice not revenge"...
...day one was fear...day two, clean-up, discussed the impace and what should be done...day three, partiotism...day four, uneasy normalcy...day five was quiet...

But both then and now, I knew, I know, that it did us some good, as a country..it was a slap in the face...cos this sort of thing happens every day in other countries, Israel and Ireland and others, it's on a smaller scale but it's constant...and we can't ignore the rest of the world so easily now, as we did before...
...and it's kinda sad, cos I look around now..and we *are* starting to forget..and it's inevitable, I know, but...we're becoming self-centered again...tho I pray we're never woken up the same way again...

...across the hall, she's listening to the old "New York, New York" again and again...I've been listening to U2's "New York" all day long (tho I remember, it was several days before I *could* listen to it, then..)...but I remember what a help U2 was in those days...*smile* ..I'd had "Sunday Bloody Sunday" ("I can't believe the news today, I can't close my eyes and make it go away..."), and "The Cry" ("Somebody cry, somebody cry, somebody cry...and I can't see why, or what for!"), and "11 O'Clock Tick Tock" ("I hear the children crying, and I know it's time to go...I call out Your name, I call out in pain...") in my head...and I tried to listen to "New York", but I *couldn't*..so I listened to "Peace on Earth", again and again..tho after awhile I couldn't listen to that, either..

...180 choirs in different countries sang a requiem today at the (local) time the first plane had hit...*touched*

Heaven on Earth, we need it now
I'm sick of all this hanging around
Sick of sorrow, sick of the pain

Where I grew up, there weren't many trees
(It's down to Alphaville...
Religious nuts, political fanatics in the stew)

You become a monster, so the monster will not break you
(In New York freedom looks like too many choices)
It's already gone too far, who says that if you go in hard
you won't get hurt

Jesus could you take the time to throw a drowning man a line
(Voices on the cell phone, voices from home...voices down the stairwell...)
No whos or whys, no-one cries like a mother cries...
...she never got to say goodbye...now he's in the dirt

...All the folks the rest of us won't get to know...
Their lives are bigger than any big idea...
(In the stillness of the evening,
When the sun has had its day,
I heard your voice a-whispering...)
Hope and history won't rhyme...
(That's where I lost you, New York...)

^ the combination of "Peace on Earth" and "New York" that I wrote up the day after...(both orig. by Bono)

 
Go read..it's Amnesty, a good read...

...been listening to the second U2 concert I went to all day...it was October 13, but everything was still so fresh in my mind...and it was incredible, cos we needed that concert...but as much as we did, so did the band, it seemed...even listening to it now, there's so much passion, pain..."What's Goin' On", and especially "New York" (with the altered lyrics)...

"...you can't forget, just how strong this city's will!...

...religious nuts, political fanatics don't belong
New York's singin' a different kind of song, what's goin' on..."

..and they get to "Peace on Earth", and "Walk On"...and Bono says goodbye, "see you again some time"...and goodnight...and then, "stay safe"...

 
*mad giggles*
...I'm sorry, he's done great things, written some nice songs...but Bob Geldof has *the* worst singing voice ever, I'm afraid. *g*

..been an interesting few days, musically...started out with '80s R.E.M. (and missed all the early albums I left home ;_; ) and the Police...yesterday was The Police (mostly Zenyatta Mondatta, cos I have it here, "King of Pain", and "So Lonely") and Sinéad O'Connor, bit of R.E.M...today, started out with R.E.M.'s "Automatic for the People" ("Nightswimming" etc.). Then went to..lessee..R.E.M.'s "Monster" (very, very different sound *g*)...then to my Best of.. Iggy Pop. (seemingly outta nowhere, but, to me at least, there's similarities between it and Monster..). Then Police's "Synchronicity" (cos I suddenly remembered that I did in fact have it, cos I've got it on cd ^^; )...David Bowie's "Heathen" (which I hadn't listened to in awhile)...bit of the Doors (cos my roomate's bf wanted her to listen to some, and I just happened to have "Gloria" on one of my cds ^_^)...and then Boomtown Rats' "I Don't Like Mondays" popped into my head. (And I was terribly annoyed, cos that's one of the many many cassettes I didn't bring with..thank God for KaZaA! *G*)

Thus, the Geldof-comment.
^_^

 
...
...
...I just spent...
...an hour and a half...
...cutting out little strips of black construction paper...
...and rubber-cementing them into the mega-huge sketchbook.

*is not in the best of moods*

...I figured it out, tho. That assignment? Should've, very simply, been done in Paint.
No, seriously! All you need's the straight-line tool...and every cpu has paint on it, 'cept for macs which I'm sure hafta have *some* equivalent... Just use the straight-line tool, you can vary the widths of it. And the assignment woulda taken maybe, oh, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, tops. And woulda been better, too, coulda actually kept the lines *straight*.

..bahhhhh...stupid non-technologically-inclined teachers. >_<#

 
..and somehow, that really didn't quite accomplish what I'd wanted to say. But you know. *half-laugh* ..I've got art hw to do, so I can't spend as much time on the topic as I'd like to.
Just go read Laur's whole thing. *g*

 
..reality *and* disillusionment *both* suck, Laur...*wry grin*

It's... I ran into that, too, last year. I *wanted* to do stuff..'course, *my* interests were pulled in a thousand different directions, too, so I'll take some of the blame...but Amnesty? I *really* wanted to get us doing that, cos I really believe in it, and, I mean, c'mon, it's even very, very simple.
..this's why I'm so glad there's an active chapter here - *I* don't have to worry about starting it this time, it'll get - already *has* gotten - someplace. Which's awesome.

...but yeah...reality, disillusionment, and *apathy*, actually. It's apathy that's the problem, really...no-one *cares*. And it's not always the individual's fault - think about the system they've put us in. All through school, particularly high school, why does *anyone* strive for decent grades and go out for things? Cos "it looks better"..."it'll look good on my college application"...I'm sorry, but *fuck* the system. [*feels like Bono*.."fuck the revolution!"] Seriously. *Yes*, it looks good, theoretically, *yes*, it'll get you into a better school...but c'mon. If you're not doing it because you *want* to, because you think *you'll* benefit, *others* will benefit...then why the hell're you *doing* it??? It's just...not *logical*, even! (And logic's the most basic reasoning there..) I just don't understand it. You don't join up with a volunteer group if you don't want to help people, you'll only be a distraction.

Yeah, it was back in my junior year, I remember making up fliers that asked, in large text, "Want to help save the world?", asked if anyone was interested in being an advisor for a volunteer-oriented club, gave a few examples of things we were interested in, Amnesty Int'l and whatnot...Daf, Laur and I went to the main office and estimated the number of teacher mailboxes, then ran off a couple hundred copies, and shoved them in all the teachers' mailboxes. And stuck one more up on the bulletin board for emphasis.
Some time went by, finally we got Ms. Zicari...and we decided to make ourselves the Leo Club - that way, we already had a structure to work in, and help if we needed it, etc.
Well...we had about three members for most of that year. And we really didn't do a whole lot...but then, we were a bit limited. But...I really enjoyed that year. We had some *great* discussions those Friday afternoons...and that's when we started sponsering Samweli, wasn't it guys? (*remembering the other option we had to buy animals for families..* *laugh*)
...and last year, yeah, we got an actual Leo Club going, with Mrs. Fleming (since Ms. Zicari left...which was really sad..). And, well, we got some more accomplished, anyway. But...I think it was the *mood* the first year that was better. A small group of relatively open-minded people, who just had this *desire* to help.
That was kinda missing last year.
Sounds like it's the same this year...

I don't know. As I just said to Laur, apathy reigns...what can we do? ...we can try...and we can keep trying to do things on our own, but it's so much easier when you've got more people to help.....but...no-one *sees* the starving, the dying, the suffering, on their doorsteps.
All they see is there's a new playstation game they wanna buy...

(and it sucks, cos I'm guilty of the same, maybe to a slightly lesser degree, but...blah. that's another rant. *wry grin*)

 
Also got two *more* compliments on the shiny red pants today.
*laugh*

 
...in happier news, freshman picnic was today. Was interesting, there was, what, prolly not even a quarter of my class was there..*laugh* This band played..can't think of the name, but they weren't bad...Much More Chill did some stuff - including "Mysterious Ways", which made me happy. ^_^ Had some food, watched a game or two...helped with the tug-of-war (Nixon Hall lost terribly, tho we joined up with another hall, cos there were so few of us...girls beat the guys, tho! w007! ^_^)...
...and, best part of it all?
I found Adam.
!!!!!!!! ^_^
...he looks *just* like Adam did when he was younger, except he hasn't quite got an Adam-nose (thus, I don't think it's the same one I saw at orientation; also, this one's an RA, not a freshman). But the hair's the same tousled blond curls...almost the same sort of smile, similar face...glasses...acts quite similar, too. *smile* ...like, we were all getting a group pic taken? and between shots, he (and this girl next to him) leaned back, spread his legs up in the air in the direction of the camera... o_O;;; *laugh*
And his name really is Adam.
*mind blown*
...it was all I could do to not watch him the *whole* time and just completely obsess...*laugh*

..ahhh...darn good thing I've not found a Lar-double, I think. *g*

 
..and since I'm listing all the things running about my head anyways...
..the other thing is.....I can't get Blake outta my head. *half-smile* ...see, thing is...Heather suggested this, and it seemed reasonable enough to me. Keep my options open here, look at the other guys around, see what else's out there, y'know? just keep an open mind, and not to wholly forget Blake, but, y'know, just see if there could be someone else. Cos in all probablility, there is. ('least to Heather's mind, tho the thought's in my mind, too.) ..and...well...I tried. But I can't get him outta my head. Partly cos I'm talking to him online like, every day...but, I mean, I don't know...I go to sleep thinking about U2, daydreaming about Lar, whatever (thanks, Meg ^_~)...and then I dream about Blake.
Three times within the last two nights.
...so.....
*sigh* ..what to do?
...is it just me being stubborn again, is it a hang-up with no reason, is it just me trying to cling to what I know, what I've known, is it something legit, what???

*sigh*
There.
Think that's about everything now.
...
...*grimace* No, it's not...there's the whole faith issue, too, but that's a whole 'nother thing...
"I can't change the world, but I can't even change myself, so change me..." - "Rejoice", Bono, 1982

 
*sigh* ...too much going thru my head at once...and written theory isn't fun. >_<
...just found out something about two guy friends...Greg wasn't so much of a surprise, we'd wondered if he'd uh, "come out" once he got to college..and now he has (it's ok that people know this, he'd told Heather to go ahead and tell people, she just called me..). (And we all've kinda wondered...but at the same time, kinda hoped it wouldn't happen...cos we all love Greg, he's sweet. *smile*) ...but someone else, I don't know how much he wants it known so I'll not give a name, but it's another friend, and we *never* saw that comin'...so my mind's been blown by all this.
...and you know me...I don't agree with homosexuality at all, on a moral level. I think it's wrong. Period.
...this doesn't mean I'll go hating people just because of that, I've taken the love-the-sinner, hate-the-sin stance on that...or, at least, am trying to. ...Goodling kinda changed my view a little in that regard, really..and I know I'm not the only one, either.
But..yeah. Now it's two of the guys I spent my high school years with, y'know? ...and it's crazy.....

...and then I've got my own interior troubles I'm trying to sort out...why I can't stand being around someone I was friends with for a year...and I've no idea why, I don't understand it, and I'm trying to overcome it, but...I don't know. I honestly don't, and it's pissing me off. ...there's no reason at all for me to dislike him, there's really not...maybe it is like what Blake said to me, some people just rub you the wrong way, and it's nothing against them but you don't want to be around them...but that can't quite be it cos we were friends and all senior year...
I don't know.
...I lay there in bed the other night, trying to sort it all out, with myself, with God, asking Him to help me out...and C.S. Lewis came back to me again, and I had a silent shouting-match with God over it, and, as usual, He won. *wry grin* ...so.....I'm trying. "..maybe, maybe failing, but at least trying...this is called I Fall Down." (~Bono)

So I'm just gonna ask that people are patient with me, on a personal level, for the next while...I've got a lot on my mind.

Plus, y'know, as mentioned, I've got written theory to do, and it's a pain in the butt. I *get* it, it just takes me a bit.
Then I've got a buttload of art to do, too...*and* laundry still...meh.
...guess I shouldn't've slept quite so much of yesterday, huh? *g*

 
Jacquie just came in...said a girl'd been taken out on a stretcher, overheard something about pills...
*sigh*

(geh. meanwhile, am smelling alcohol and cigarette smoke. ...*sigh*...I had this whole conversation with Blake earlier, I don't *want* to do any of that kind of stuff...but then, there's always that, y'know, everyone else's had all these experiences...and what've I ever done? I know a lot, everything, but...how much have I *done*, *experienced*? ...and Blake had a good point. "Ive experienced what I wanted to experience.." ...thanks, Blake...keeps me grounded...*smile*)

 
*sigh* ...or *is* it so great?
...was contentedly working on "A Vampire or a Victim", listening to R.E.M.'s "Gardening at Night"...when bright lights flashing at my window distracted me. Got up, and looked out to see two ambulences slowly pulling away from the front of my dorm...
...and I've no idea what happened, but I can guess...who was it I was talking to the other day, that was saying that within their first week of college, three girls had to be taken out by ambulance cos of alcohol poisoning?
...I don't know that that's what happened, but I bet it was...will find out tomorrow, most likely...