...God, I hate this shite...sounds like 6th, 7th grade all over again, that entry below this...names are different, the place is different, but the whole do-I-g-out-with-him-don't-I? mindset? Gah. 7th grade. The who-does-he-really-like thing? 6th grade.
I *do* apologise for all that..but I had to get it out of my system...you know I'm not usually like that...(at least, try not to be...so many things much more worthy of stressing over. Like..figuring out how to get to concerts. And whether I'm doing my english project on glam or punk. And how to get silly desktop pics to work out properly. ^_^)

 
"Jesus, Jesus help me
I'm alone in this world,
and a fucked up world it is, too..."
-"Wake Up Dead Man", U2
"I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way..."
-"City of Angels", Red Hot Chili Peppers

So yeah...since I'm blogging away all my depressions of the day (which's helping me cheer up a bit...so's the fact that the sun's comin' out now...and I'm d/ning nice U2 music...didn't know they'd done a version of "Slow Dancing" with Bono (and Edge) singing, I only knew of the Wille Nelson version! ..like this 'un better. ^_~)..
Main problem of the day: The afore-mentioned love triangle...which I didn't know was such 'til today...*sigh*...involves me, Daf, and a guy whom we shall refer to as "Calypso" (our old code name for him). He...well...kinda stalked me our freshman year. He followed me around, came over and sat by me in lunch, and just stared at me.
but never said a word.
Kinda creepy, ne?
...so, he wrote me a note, asked if I'd go out with him...I said no, cos I didn't even know him at all! (Plus, he creeped me out at the time..tho I didn't tell him that!)
...next few years went by, talked to him a bit last year...and now, we arrive at senior year (junior year for Daffy). Calypso's in my music history class, there's like, eight people in the class, so we talk...and I've gotten to know him better this year, and he's not bad. He talks now. ~_^ ...and thing is, while with "Blake" (aka "Graeme", aka...summat else ~_^), I was always half-afraid of *really* scaring him off with my weirdness...with Calypso, I've never had that. Mainly cos, for a long time, I knew I had no interest in him at all. (..'course, there *was* the band banquet sophomore year..which..yeah..but I ignored that.) So it didn't matter how I acted around him, what he thought of me. ..and then...it seemed that no matter how weird I was, he just accepted it, didn't mind...I could totally be myself around him...
..and I started thinking..wondering if maybe I *did* have a crush on him?...he wasn't so bad after all...
And just after I started thinking about it, actually considering him as a possibility for the first time...Daf told me she had a crush on him. And I was like, ok, well, if she *knows* she likes him, we'll go with that, cos I don't even really know, and I didn't wanna get caught up in all that shite again anyway...
And it's seemed to me that he's given us about equal attention...Daf and I are generally pretty inseperable...
But then, there was that day he and another guy in my music history class were discussing their compositions (they're both orchestral music geeks *g*..which I understand a lot better'n I did, tho I'm still a rock child)...and Calypso said he was working on(?) a thing with a euphonium/flute thing in it. I play flute, he plays euphonium...and I was like, okayyy...*what's* this, now??...but then, comin' back from the band field trip the other day, I saw him just looking at Daf...but then, today when he and I'd gotten to choir, before Daf got there, he said he might go see a movie this weekend, did I want to come? I'm like, maybe, I'll check and see what I'm doing, I may or may not be grounded for not having my room clean, didn't give him a straight answer cos I wasn't sure if I wanted to...
At the end of choir, I told Daf and Laurel about it...and it wasn't 'til about then that it occured to me: did he just ask me on a date?!?? And Daf made kind of a semi-sad face, I said hey, I was gonna ask if you could come too (which I really was)...and Laur was making this face, I couldn't even identify it. And she didn't explain 'til lunch. She's just like, he likes *you*. Not Daf. *You*. He never really liked Daf, in that way, that I saw. I'm like, huh?.....and I talked to Daf on the bus, and she agreed with Laur...meanwhile, I'm just sitting here, mind pretty much blown by it all.
And feeling rather guilty...I told them, what *is* this, I don't *mean* to do this kind of thing!!!...feel like I've done it to both of them now, tho they both deny it..I got to know Laur's crush, and he wound up paying more attention to me than Laur...and Daffy's the one with a crush on Calypso, but he likes *me*, and I don't even *know*---!
..Daf says she's stupid, crushing on this guy who's leaving in a month or so (to the same college as yours truy..which, yeah, *really* makes things interesting!)...but I'm the stupid one, I don't even know whether I like the guy in that sense or not...
..and who is it these guys fall in love with? I don't even know who I am!, how can they find someone to like like that?...Laur's told me there's plenty to like, I'm talented, I've got style (I laughed, "yeah, such as it is!"..but my brother's friends mock him constantly because of what *I* wear...?)...and I said I don't know...and Daf said she's had a similar conversation with Zinni, Daf couldn't figure out why all these guys liked her...Daf and I're the same once again!...
..but Laur, if you're reading this (which I know is likely)...seriously...there's plenty to like about you. Look, none of us are any of "the pretty people", but we're not gonna let that stop us, right? (We're rebel-children, come on!) But you...you're *smart*, intellectual (which *is* frickin' cool, you know *so* *much* about lit...wish I did..), you really do write very well - better'n I do, I still think...you can sing very well (despite what you think)...and, most importantly (*I* think): you've an incredible faith...wish I had half your faith...
But wandering back to wherever I was...yeah. I'm stuck. I don't know what to do...I asked a friend, she said to go to the movie with him, see how it went, see what he's like outside of school, and maybe casually bring up the fact that Daf likes him...I asked Miss Hysick (who's wonderful...one of the nicest teachers I've ever had), and she asked me, well, who're you more loyal to, the guy or your friend? I said my friend. She said, well, there's your answer.
Conflicting results. Yay.
So....I don't know...
Answers on an e-card please, addressed to zoorebel@yahoo.com...

"Love is blindness...
...thread is ripping, the knot is slipping, love is blindness...
...no call, no warning, may be a dangerous idea that almost makes sense...*heartbreaking guitar solo*
Love is blindness, I don't wanna see...take my heart, it's blindness..."
-"Love is Blindness", U2
..and tho it was written I'm sure for eros, can't it be phileo or agape, too?...you love somebody, certain people, and you couldn't bear to ever hurt them...but you don't know what to do...

...did I mention I love Bono?...the live version of this... ... ...truly does, break your heart...esp. watching it on the ZooTV vid, Macphisto so sad, crying, at the end of it all.....

 
(*sigh*...*third* time tryin' to post this!...bloody glitchy technology...!)
This is just...the day for dilemnas, depression...and just general gloominess.
My flute teacher, Jenn, has to go home. This Saturday. And she'd planned to stay on this summer after graduating Roberts, continue giving lessons, renting a palce in Henrietta with some friends... I don't know the details, but she's Canadian, not technically a U.S. citizen...so, she's not supposed to be working here. No work=no money=no paying rent. =going home.
*Stupid* gov't policies!
...and she was gonna go on to a conservatory or summat in the fall and continue with music, now she's not even sure where she'll be...and she was gonna come to my spring band concert, and finally hear hat blasted concerto...she originally gave me the piece to try, Chaminade's "Concertino", just to see if I could do it...and I did (with her help!)...and it was so much more than I ever thought I could do, at the time...and now...I've got it as a concerto with my band at school, I'm solo, alleyesonme (*shudder* - scary!)(but who does that song, "All Eyes On Me"?..ah - Goo Goo Dolls)...but I couldn't have done it without her...and now she'll not be here to see it...
...I've learned so much from her...without her, I'd never have the passion I have with/for playing flute...never have known of/how to play with that emotion, passion, love, life, that makes any and ever song *mean* something...that makes it all worthwhile...and technically, musically, I've learnt so much...tone colour (spelled with a "u", she said she didn't care what her professors thought, she was *not* going to re-learn how to spell, just cos Americans were weird), harmonics, bending notes, singing one note while playing another (great fun - hard, but fun *g*)...
Shit. Just realised...I've still got her Trevor Wye book! -_-; ..not to mention her copy of Concertino...got her e-mail addy, tho, I'll ask for her home address, mail 'em back...
...but anyway...besides being an incredible teacher, she's been a friend...she's listened to me when I've had a rough day, given me adive on how to get revenge on the stupid low brass players in my band...joked around, she's yelled at me to spank that ending, to blast that high note, who cares if it's loud and ugly, *be* ugly, you're a flute and you're proud, *blast* it, *make* yourself heard!...
...stupid senior year...
*tear*
...I remember my first few lessons with her...how long ago?...nearly three years, I think...I was so very nervous, had *no* idea what to expect...in the auditorium in Cox Hall over at Roberts, high summer, it was warm and maybe a bit stuffy...wooden floors, golden, almost, in the late afternoon sun...beautiful acoustics...and I felt so stupid after I heard her play, was totally blown away...and I was going to Italy soon, I remember, we talked about it, she'd been there with I think a choral group, too, she told me about the incredible acoustics in the Basillica...and I came back, and we compared notes...
...and some days coming out of my lesson, I've felt so bad, so down, felt like I'd never be good, I still had so far to go...but then I'd work, and get it down...and most weeks, it's been such a great thing, cheered me up so, calmed me down when I'd had a crap day, or just needed to get out...and she's encouraged me so...which I need, cos quite often I'm capable of more than I think I am, it's definitely good when my teachers have more confidence in me than I do, cos then they push me, say, yeah, you can do this, c'mon...and I can...
...I'm going to miss her... -_-,
...thank you again, Jenn...

"And if God will send his angels, hey if God would send a sign, if God will send his angels, would everything be alright?"
-"If God Will Send His Angels", U2
...and may His angels be with her...God Bless, Jenn...

 
*sigh*...I'd told myself I'd not get into any romantic-ish dilemnas this year, especially now, so close to leaving for college, when so many things will undoubtedly change...but what happens? One frickin' happens to *me*, hunts me down and knocks me to the ground...*sigh*.
But I may (or may not) get into that later...
...still distracted by being annoyed at stupid big long lecture we all just got from Dad...apparently, the house is a pigsty (which it's not, at all - *one* K-mart bag has been on the living room couch/floor for three days! oh no! it's the end of the world!...no.), we're good kids but we're not holding up our end of things...actually, this was largely launched by Dad getting a letter from the school saying my brother's failing gym. (which he says he's not, but whatever.) So, ok, he has a bit of reason to be upset...but...not totally, cos it's up to Matantis now, Dad can't make him change for gym, it's Matt's perogative to do so, it's up to him, if he wants to fail he'll have to take the consequences.
But anyway...I wasn't going to rant abuot that.
I *was* going to say once again that I love Bono. ^_^
(Btw, his b-day's tomorrow! ..turning 42...wow...doesn't seem it at *all*...I've gotta agree with Alice - the sexiest rock star of all time! ^_~)
Reason for sudden Bono-love?...article I found on youtwo.net, I posted it here on Sham's U2 blog...
<3
...*so* much of what Bono believes in is what I believe in...and once in a while it makes me stop and think, wait, is that my own idea, or did I get it from Bono? and sometimes I'm not sure..which's bad..very bad..but mostly..I think it just gets mixed up cos his ideas *do* match mine..only he can articulate them and act on them infinitely better than I can.
...and I really *do* need Bono right now...just started listening to U2 again (after about a week's break), got hung up on "If You Wear That Velvet Dress" last night (as I'm sure you noticed ^_~..tho it turns out that in the live version I was listening to and quoted, Bono mixed up the verses a bit, thus the descrepencies in my quote *g*), put in Pop, listened to that song, then "Please" and "Wake Up Dead Man"...and thought once again about what an awesome album Pop is...it does *not* deserve the crap rap it's gotten, even U2 slag it off a lot, and it desn't deserve it, every time I listen to it Im' more convinced, it's an *awesome* album, lyrically musically the ideas the sound the look *everything*. And maybe it's not traditional U2, but what *is* traditional U2? That's one of the things they've always gotten off on, was doing something different...
But getting back to wherever I left off...
Yeah. Fallen in love with Bono's voice and lyrics (again ^_^ - listening to new version of "Stay" right now..beautiful...), and just him as a *person*...he's awesome...so's the rest of the band...I love them so very much, and it'd piss Larry off to hear me say that cos I've never even actually met them but...almost might as *well* have, all I've read watched listened, I know them and esp. their music prolly better'n they do!
*pause*
..and I know Mackie a little *too* well, cos I just totally paraphrased one of his fav lines... "Do you know who I am? Because I know who *you* are. In fact, I know you probably even better than you know yourself."
Whoa. That's got a whole 'nother meaning behind it now!...I mean, with the amount of media etc., and just general fan devotion, and psycho-fans, there probably *were/are* people who know U2 (or, at least, certain things about them) better'n they do...
Hrm. Never thought of that angle on it before.... I mean, it's obviously really the whole devil-thing they were goin' for, but still.
Right. And I've just written up mega-long post...but, at least it got my mind into happier territory for a bit...'stead of this horrid teenage angst thing I've been caught in all day...(love triangles SUCK).

 
And then I realised today: "Your Blue Room". ..can't decide which wins. All wonderful, gorgeous, sexy songs... ^_~

 
Actually, thinking on it a bit..."Stateless", from the Million Dollar Hotel soundtrack, might beat "If You Wear That Velvet Dress" as sexiest U2 song...the ending especially...tough call...

 
"Tonight, the moon is a mirrorball
Light flickers from across the hall
Who'll catch the star when it falls?
It's okay
The struggle for things not to say
I never listened to you anyway
I've got my own hands to pray.

If you wear that velvet dress,
If you wear that velvet dress..."
-"If You Wear That Velvet Dress", U2
...gorgeous song...Gavin Friday said it was the sexiest song U2's ever done, I think he's right...the music's perfect for the song, the whole thing just shimmers, crystalline glints of guitar (I know I use "crystalline" incessently to describe Edge's guitar, but how *else* *can* you describe it??), drums and bass are just..yeah..(Bono once said the drums were the sex of the music..^_~), and Bono's lyrics, and his voice, a hushed whisper in a lover's ear...perfect dark cool night, moonbeams dancing in through a window, dancing across someone besides you...errr...yeah. We'll leave it at that.
*blush*
..going to bed now...(and gonna go dig out Pop, so I can listen to the song over and over and....^_~)

 
Question of the day, what do Star Trek, He-Man, and Gargolyes have in common?
Episodes with the same title as the Ewan movie I'm looking for on KaZaA (and can't find - tho I *have* found all these eppies of shows---!)
Blah.
....nothing against Star Trek. Or Gargolyes, either, really...I enjoyed that show (while it was on normal channels..tho Daf and I caught it on toon disney or summat over at Laur's! ^_^)...half the voices were people from Star Trek TNG, anyway! ~_^

 
There...*finally*, a new love of the moment! (Not that I'm actually *over* Mackie-babe...errmmm...-_-;;;).
...now, if Boomspeed'd work decently once in awhile---!

...Carp. It's frickin' late...will someone please remind me that it's *not* summer vaca yet??? (Or even a weekend!)

 
Ok, watching the SW trailer and vid, tho....there's just one thing that's irking me.
Rather badly.
Obi-Wan says he doesn't like flying.
..and in the SW series I've been reading (Jedi Apprentice..yes, it's only 4th grade reading level but I don't *care*! The storylines and characters are great, they're very well done...b'sides, it's *little* Obi-Wan! ^_^), Obi-Wan's a great pilot.
-_- ....
But yeah. Yoda *floats*, how *cool* is *that*?! *g*...and Anakin uses two lightsabers...
...
...and Ani looks like Brian (my brother's friend). Esp. when he smiles.
-_-;;
*blush*
Right.
Going now---!

 
*blink*
*blink*
Wow.... just watched the original 1977 trailer for Star Wars: A New Hope.
And then, the new trailer for Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.
*blink*
...what a difference...I mean, even in just the flashiness of the *trailers*, the new one is so much more impressive..the old one just shows like, clips of difference scenes, just straight, it's weird...the cinematography of it all has come so very far...
But I think Lucas's given up trying to keep the new movies in synch with the old ones, looks-wise. Whether that's good or bad, I dunno, but... cos it's gonna be weird, three movies all new-looking, then the next three in sequence are so much older... (and the special editions? I'm thinking they were *baaaad* ideas now, cos the newly added-in stuff stands out *so* terribly!)
Episode II looks very very good, tho...they can mock the title all they want (but is it *really* any worse than "The Empire Strikes Back"??? No. It's just we're not used to it yet, is all). But it looks *good*...lotsa Obi-Wan. ^___^

...and if yer wonderin' why I'm posting so much? I'm enjoying this nice, relaxing sense of freedom...AP exams are over!!! Woo!!!! ...eng was great, and I'm pretty sure I did pretty terribly on the calc on, but I'd already planned on that and accepted it weeks ago (tho I'll likely still be upset when I actually get the grade -_-). I'm just glad they're *done*--!!!!!

 
And R.E.M.'s vid for "Losing My Religion" is one of the best music videos. Ever. That, and like, U2's "Stay (Faraway, So Close!)" and "New Year's Day" and "Please". And I think pretty much anything Anton Corbijn's directed...
And The White Stripes' "Fell in Love With a Girl".
^_^
Legos rock.

 
Just d/n'd some Goo Goo Dolls vids...
...
*drool*
...the vids are gorgeous ("Iris", "Black Balloon")...esp. Johnny Rezc..Recze...I can't spell his last name. I'm not even gonna try. You know who I mean. Pretty lead singer... ^_~ (He's actually got an almost Bowie-ish look in the "Black Balloon" vid...reminded me of db in his "Blue Jean" vid...)
YAY for KaZaA!!! ^_^

Also downloaded/ing some Star Wars stuff, like the new music vid - which I caught the other night..Obi-Wan!!! <3 ....also workin' on Trainspotting. ^_^ Really wanna find City of Angels, tho, cos I want to see it...but, being poor, have no $ (or, y'know, a license to get me to the store) to rent it...and Zin left before we got a chance to watch it over the weekend... (Don't worry, Zinni - I *am* more upset that you're not here than that the movie's not here. ~_^)

 
...and somehow, it slipped my mind(!): yesterday was Hanson Day.
^_^

 
Rolling Stone's got a list of the Top 50 Uncoolest Records...not all of which're uncool - Weezer is not uncool!! (Andrew W.K. *is* the stupidest *ever*, tho, so...!)
The Moog Cookbook stuff is just *soooo* much fun...I've got their version of "Ziggy Stardust"...it's great... ^_^
[Trivia note: The first use of the Moog synthesizer on a mainstream record was on the Monkees' Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. album in 1967...not sure if it was "Daily Nightly" (played by Micky <3) or "Star Collector" (Paul Beaver) that they did first, tho.]
Dude! Klaatu's on the list! ...Daffy knows who they are...Pet Shop Boys?! C'mon!...some of this's legitly *good stuff*!..gahhhhh...
But this blew my mind:
"Hanson
Middle of Nowhere
1997

No doubt relieved by the snuffing of the castrati trend, the Okie brothers passed through puberty ready to MMMBop.
Sounds like: The Monkees' Head, recorded on a steady diet of Jolt Cola.

Best song: "Weird," which actually is!"
*raising eyebrow* Fer one thing, MoN's a great album (for what it is, which's pop, but it's Hanson! Good stuff!...say what you will. I don't care. I love them dearly. Not only's Tay gorgeous, but they've got a lot of talent...a lot more'n a lot of other bands I could name..)
But Monkees' Head?!?!?!?...wow....
...tho I'm even more impressed with the fact that whoever wrote this *knew of* Monkees' Head! ~_^
..tho Head sounds *nothing* like MoN...not in *any* way...Head was quite out there, some psychedelia, some Broadway, some rock, some just..beautiful ("Porpoise Song" and "As We Go Along", two of the best songs ever)...and MoN's...pop. Good pop, but very easily classified as such. And "Mmmbop" is actually a wonderfully fun, innocent, *happy* little song, and I still love it. "Weird" has some great lyrics in it, and "Yearbook" I've always loved...and "Man From Milwaukee" is just the coolest *ever*. ^_^
"I'm talkin' to Mars, you might think that I'm wacky,
I know they'll come get me, come get me someday..."
~_^
...
WHAT?!?!?! Monkees' Greatest Hits is on here!!!! What is WRONG with these people?!?! Monkees were/are like, the BEST!...err, well, ok, musically/idealogically, U2 still win, but--!
In protest, I'm not even goin' thru the rest of the list... x___x

 

You are the most universal mythical beast ever. Sightings of the unicorn have been reported from all over the world, even in these modern times. Unicorns are pure and incurruptible. In China, unicorns symbolised gentleness, good will, and wisdom. Christianity links the unicorn with Christ. It is said that unicorns would only allow virgin girls to see them, let alone touch them. They were easily lured into fatal ambushes by a virgin with some potchers waiting for the unicorn in nearby bushes. A unicorn's horn was a highly prised possesion, which was reputed to have great healing capabilities. With the touch of its horn, a unicorn could bring back a person who had been dead for several hours. But when disattached from the unicorn's body, the magic was suggnificantly reduced and could only protect against poison. The unicorn had the body of a horse, a unique spirling horn, and a lion's tail. They were pure white in color. Congradulations, you are a rarity amoung mythical beasts. There aren't enough of people like you in the world.
What mythical beast best represents you? Take the quiz!
<3 unicorns... ^_^
*yaaaawwwwnnn*...so tired, and I've an AP English exam tomorrow!
woo.
...spent the night at Laur's last night for her b-day party...*great* fun...and Zinni came up, which was wonderful. ^_^ ...watched a bunch of movies..cartoons (Dangermouse ROCKS)..Labyrnith ^_^...music vids...and Naked Chef. Yay! ~_^ ....<3 drummers...<3 rock stars...<3 accents. ~_^
Watched the Iron Chef, too...which is just...oh man. Gotta be *the* frickin' *strangest* show I've *ever* frickin' seen (an' I've seen some fairly odd stuff...). Insane...
Not much else to say...too tired just now...an' I should be studying... x___x